So those who plan to visit Beijing over the next few months might notice, while passing through the capital city’s famous hutongs, something different about China’s capital city. You might find yourself stopping on the street suddenly and saying to your companion, “Wait, weren’t there more cats here the last time I was here?” That assumes that the traveler had been to P.O.C. Beijing (pre-Olympic cleansing), a Beijing that has since and forever been replaced by the sterile, safe and smogless city that will host the Summer Games. But back to the cats. As part of turning the old Beijing into the new Beijing, the Chinese government has launched an offensive not on vandals or vagrants (they’re already gone), but on stray cats. Yes, cats. According to a Daily Mail story Monday, secretive government employees are rounding up all the forsaken feline friends and well, brutally killing them. As the Daily Mail reports:

Hundreds of cats a day are being rounded and crammed into cages so small they cannot even turn around. Then they are trucked to what animal welfare groups describe as death camps on the edges of the city. The cull comes in the wake of a government campaign warning of the diseases cats carry and ordering residents to help clear the streets of them.

China’s leaders are convinced that the cats in Beijing are diseased and can transmit sickness to humans, and in particular, those humans who have purchased tickets to the Olympics. Reports claim the cats are beaten to death with sticks or left to starve in cages so confining, the kitties can’t turn around. While animal activists in China recognize the need to remove the city’s stray cats ahead of the Games, they have criticized the inhumane methods of killing the cats. Perhaps Chinese cat lovers would prefer the cat collectors to treat the animals as they would human undesirables in China and shoot them in the back of head at close range.

Photo: Daily Mail

This is the most upset a human being has ever, in the history of mankind, gotten over a women’s basketball game. And who still says “dog gone?” Try to understand one dog gone point this guy makes. Something about offensive rebounds?

Anyone who has ever found those Wilford Brimley diabetes commercials funny will appreciate this.

Like a car wreck or a thong peeking out of a waistline, I absolutely had to look when NBC’s newest show Quarterlife premiered on network television tonight. For numerous reasons. First, it’s the first ever online series to make the leap to normal TV. Granted, I’ve been in China for the last 2 years (see first 600 posts), but I had no idea there was such a thing as an online series. Second, it’s about a blogger. And by “blogger”, I don’t mean a person who “blogs”, I mean a person who satisfies every hackneyed cultural, political, visual, economic, linguistic, habilatory, and sexual stereotype for an educated 25-year-old in 2008. Which brings me to the third reason. I wanted to see how mainstream media, or in this case semi-mainstream media, portrays “bloggers.”

The two creators of the show, Marshall Herskovitz, 56, and Edward Zwick, 55, are in their third-quarter lives, though have proven, with My So-Called Life and Thirtysomething, that they are able to tap into ultra-marketable age brackets. Like eccentric artistic high schoolers in the mid-90s or a bunch of yuppies approaching middle age in the late 80s, respectively. Well, with Quarterlife, Herskovitz and Zwick play with the fascination of the 20-something in this new selfish, career-driven, youth-oriented wired world. You know these 20-somethings. Or sorry, “quarterlifers.” And if you are not familiar with them, let me describe.

They all have Macs. From what I understand, it’s impossible to blog on a PC. They all listen to obscure music, preferably music that sounds like stuff we’ve heard before, but isn’t something we’ve ever heard before. None of them listen to classic rock or alternative or rap, because it’s too proven and easy to find. They’re nowhere close to being married, even though they should be because being lonely is interesting and it gives them something to blog about. And forget about cable. Who has time to watch TV with all that blogging to do? Not only do they not have cable, but they never miss an opportunity to tell people that they don’t have cable. Glasses are all thick-rimmed, because they just are. Work always sucks, hence the blogging, and money’s always tight, despite the fact their parents have lots. They either live in New York, Los Angeles or as in Quarterlife, Chicago, where they can easily pursue something artistic and find other like-minded twentysomethings with whom they can talk about how difficult it is to be a twentysomething.

Because that’s the backwards essence of this quarterlife phenomenon. If you like being in your twenties, or if you don’t document your life on a blog, preferably a video blog, well then, you aren’t living twentysomething life to the fullest. Who the hell has a video blog anyway? Watching Quarterlife didn’t make me connect with the angst I feel being in my twenties or put me in touch with a dormant “quarterlife crisis.” It merely made me realize how much I miss Seinfeld.

If things couldn’t get more bizarre in the land of Kim Jong-Il, where the New York Philharmonic will perform Tuesday, becoming the largest American delegation ever to gain entrance into the backwards nation, things have gotten even kookier. The Financial Times reported that the North Korean government (I use the term “government” loosely) has invited Eric Clapton to come and perform next year, which would signify the first Western rock act to grace the DPRK. According to the Financial Times:

Mr Clapton had agreed ”in principle” to the idea, suggesting 2009 for the concert, the official said. Mr Clapton’s agent did not return calls asking for comment…A performance by Mr Clapton would be notable because, while classical music is well known in North Korea, rock and pop are banned because of their strong western influences.

I mean, if the Philharmonic wasn’t unprecedented enough, the guy who sings “Cocaine” and “I Shot the Sheriff” will entertain Pyongyang, a place that has been completely sheltered from popular music. And when I say completely sheltered, I mean it. There is no broadband internet in North Korea, no cell phones (they were banned in 2004), and only 4 television stations. Sadly, VH1 Classic is not one of them. Eric Clapton will look and sound like a space invader to the North Koreans.

And I wonder, as I wondered when “Slowhand” played his first show on Chinese soil in January, 2006, does Communist Asia see Eric Clapton as the personification of Western music? It must. I suppose the Rolling Stones, who made it to China 7 months earlier than Clapton, weren’t available to play in Pyongyang? Or Paul McCartney? Or Madonna?

Meanwhile, the New York Philharmonic, in Pyongyang this week, represents the groundbreaking instance of “Nixon diplomacy” that occurred in Beijing in 1971, when the U.S. table tennis team visited Mao’s China. As the New York Times pointed out in a story Monday, while such an exchange with the Americans might be a first for Pyongyang, Americans have a long history using orchestral diplomacy with other stigmatized nations. The Philadelphia Orchestra played mainland China in 1973, the Boston Symphony’s performed in the Soviet Union in 1956 and the New York Philharmonic did the Soviet Union in 1959.

As earth-shattering as these performances might have been in their time, or even the New York Philharmonic today, they will pale in comparison to that moment next year when Clapton strums his first chord on a North Korean stage.

Last night in his post-Oscar special, Jimmy Kimmel unveiled the video response to his girlfriend Sarah Silverman’s “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” video. To one up Sarah, Jimmy got stars like Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz and Robin Williams to participate in the Affleck fuck fest. Also, Josh Groban can be seen in the video for what might be the first time ever not taking himself so seriously. But the featured star of Kimmel’s movie was Huey Lewis, sans News, and if you have to pick a winner between Silverman and Kimmel, the video that has Huey Lewis in it wins. No matter what.

Reason #15,086: He Still Makes Good Videos
Today, I was lucky enough to be awake during the one hour of the day when VH1 plays music videos. Before this station became the washed up celebrity reality show network, it used to live up to its name “Video Hits One” and play stomachable new music mixed with some old classics. Anyhow, other than the present-day VH1 staples — John Mayer, Maroon 5 and Lenny Kravitz (who seems to have had a new video on VH1 for like 17 consecutive years) — I caught Bruce Springsteen’s newest video, “Girls in Their Summer Clothes,” the second single from his latest album Magic. And while this video isn’t that new — it’s been out for a month already — and the Grammys took place 2 weeks ago, seeing Bruce’s latest video sent a wave of anger through me.

What I’ve realized about the Grammys is that there are two reasons artists win awards: the first is that they are viable recording artists who are on the rise and could use some attention on national television — Amy Winehouse this year, Kanye a few years back, Justin Timberlake, etc. In this case, the Grammys is merely a stepladder for commercial acts. But the other reason is that the Grammys like to take an artist who might be over the hill, blind, unsung or irrelevant and extol him or her with the highest honor of the night — the Best Album of the Year award. Simultaneously, in doing this, the Grammy Awards people like to remind you that they still have a keen eye as to what is hip… or atleast what should be in their view. Here’s my short list of albums in the last 20 years that fit into this latter category of albums being totally unfit for Best Album of the Year.

• 2007: Herbie Hancock - River: The Joni Letters
  I like Herbie and his performance with Lang Lang was amazing, but come on.
• 2005: Ray Charles - Genius Loves Company
  The ultimate Starbucks album; Kanye and Green Day both deserved it more this year.
• 2002: Oh Brother Where Art Thou Soundtrack
  Is this the Grammys or the Grey Fox Bluegrass Festival in upstate New York?
• 2001: Steely Dan - Two Against Nature
  Love them but this one beat out Midnight Vultures, Kid A and the Marshall Mathers LP. Absurd.
• 1997: Bob Dylan - Time Out of Mind
  This album sucked.
• 1995: Tony Bennett - MTV Unplugged
  Probably the most ridiculous pick in the history of the show.
• 1992: Natalie Cole - Unforgettable… with Love
  A tribute album? Really?
• 1991: Quincy Jones - Back on the Block
  The utmost in intra-industry ass-kissing.

*I didn’t forget about Santana’s snoozefest in 2000, it’s just all the other albums sucked that year so I left him off.

So here’s my point. The last 20 years have been all about honoring these musicians, who while deserving of recognition, are about as current as a 1-900 number. And if the Grammys are in the business of handing the Best Album of the Year to proven musicians with careers that span decades, there was one little artist with one little album this year who couldn’t be more deserving of a good praise party at the Grammys. And that’s Bruce. Not only is he a star with a career spanning 5 decades, but more importantly and unlike any of the artists on my list, he released the best album of the year. This was Bruce’s year and he got jacked not by the Foo Fighters or Kanye, but by an instrumental jazz album. Quietly, Bruce picked up Best Rock Song and Best Rock Vocal Performance for the first single off Magic, “Radio Nowhere.” The whole album is sensational, however, and this brings us to Reason #15,086 why Bruce is still “The Boss”: he still makes good videos.

On Sunday, I posted a video that illustrated plainly why I love Charles Barkley. Today, I post a video that illustrates, just as plainly, why I love Chris Matthews. Immediately following Barack Obama’s shockingly huge victory over Hillary Clinton in tonight’s Wisconsin primary, Matthews and post-primary sidekick Keith Olbermann interviewed Texas State Senator Kirk Watson, an Obama supporter, and Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs of Ohio, a Clinton backer. Matthews wastes no time in going after Watson, asking him, as an Obama surrogate, to “name some of Barack Obama’s legislative accomplishments.” Fair enough. Watson is, after all, a state legislator going on national TV to advocate for Obama. This is when I start to cringe. And to be honest, I didn’t stop cringing until the segment was over. I’m still kind of cringing hours later. He’s couldn’t name one measly legislative accomplishment of Barack Obama. And I have a hunch most Obama supporters couldn’t either.

A huge shocker broke early Tuesday morning as Fidel Castro announced his retirement as Cuba’s president and is expected to pass his power to his brother. Here is the BBC story:

Cuba’s ailing leader, Fidel Castro has announced he will not return to the presidency in a letter published by official Communist Party paper, Granma. “I neither will aspire to nor will I accept, the position of president of the Council of state and commander in chief,” he wrote in the letter. Mr Castro handed over power temporarily to his brother, Raul, in July 2006 when he underwent intestinal surgery. The 81-year-old has ruled Cuba since leading a communist revolution in 1959. In December, Mr Castro indicated that he could possibly step down in favour of a younger generation.

What an end of an era. Castro has outlasted 9 American presidents. If you want some perspective on how long that really is, MTV has only lasted through four and The Simpsons, seemingly around forever, only three. That’s a long time. This huge news means that February 19th, 2008 could mark the end of Castro in Cuba, the end of Musharraf in Pakistan and if Hillary drops Wisconsin and Hawaii by big margins, the end of of 20 years of Bush-Clinton in America. Tomorrow is the future.

It’s unfortunate for Chinese while iPhones are all manufactured in the mainland, Chinese cell phone users cannot yet purchase the Apple do-it-all device. Well, legally. While the iPhone isn’t yet on sale in China’s phone retailers or wired for any of China’s major service providers, according to a friend of mine in Shanghai and confirmed by the always good David Barboza of the Times, the iPhones are everywhere in China. Chinese are commissioning their friends and business partners, even flight attendants, to buy iPhones in the U.S. and either ship them or bring them back to China. There, Chinese pay close to $600 USD for the phone and another $25 to have the phone “unlocked” or made usable with the China Mobile carrier. Barboza writes:

These unofficial distribution networks help explain a mystery that analysts who follow Apple have been pondering: why is there a large gap between the number of iPhones that Apple says it sold last year, about 3.7 million, and the 2.3 million that are actually registered on the networks of its wireless partners in the United States and Europe?

So there’s 1.4 million iPhones on the loose, presumably in countries whose service providers have not yet reached an agreement with Apple, and my guess is that many of these phones are in China. Because when I left Shanghai a couple months ago, guys were salivating over these things and I had a couple people at my old job asked me questions about them. As if I knew anything about the iPhone. My phone didn’t even have a color screen.

Photo: iPhone Blog