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Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Drug-Free

I am a child of the crack epidemic. I mean I wasn't really old enough to have contributed, but it was these years, 1985-1990, that I became aware of my existence. I learned how to read, to write, to lie, to play sports and just about everything else you learn how to do when you're a kid. These were some seriously productive years for me. But in a way, it was nice to be a kid in New York City during these years because while I had some idea that drugs were out there and older people liked them, my age sheltered me from the harsh realities of crack addiction. I was so young that I thought crackheads were just "crazy people" and I would laugh them off with an eye-roll or a cuckoo gesture. While the "War on Drugs" is often considered a failure, I think, as someone who sprouted during this era, that this government initiative actually worked. Well, for me at least. I mean from what I know now, I grew up with crack-cocaine all around me and look at me. I'm totally drug-free. Something must have set me on the right path and now, as an adult, I think I know what it was. When I was a kid, sitting on the floor watching TV, unbeknownst to me, my government was fighting me in a psychological war...and winning. Before my eyes each day was the scariest, slimiest imagery imaginable for a small child--those sleazy anti-drug commercials. As graphic and frightening as these ads were, maybe they saved my life. After all, these commercials showed me there's an alternative to drugs. They showed me that the streets are no place for a kid like me. They showed me that if I tried drugs, I'd might just end up a black dude who turns into a snake.

These are the Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Drug-Free

Beijing to Hospitalize Wackos For '08
The Beijing committee overseeing planning for the 2008 Olympics announced in Friday's Beijing Morning Post that the city's mentally ill would be be hospitalized during the games. The measure would be one of many outlined by the Beijing office to polish the city's image for the international community. For some time now, China has aimed to not only prove a worthy host, but to offer an Olympics more fine-tuned than the world has ever seen. Beijing officials fear these street-crazies will paint a portrait of Beijing that doesn't represent the "true Beijing." But more than anything else, the city of Beijing fears one of these demented wackos will wig out and startle one of the millions of White people expected to be in the capital for the Olympics. The quarantining of the mentally ill is not unprecedented in Beijing as officials rid its streets of looneys and ordered all handicapped people to stay in their homes for an unsuccessful 2000 Olympic bid. Needless to say, human rights watch groups were not pleased to learn of the Beijing plan fearful that the whackjobs would be removed with force. This plan to institute order at the cost of, well, morality will certainly not be the last of its kind as China officially opens its doors to the world in 2008.

•News from Beijing 2008, 9/15/06

School Shooting Leads to Blame Game

It should be no surprise the dude pictured right wearing all black was the guy that opened fire on Dawson College in Montreal on Wednesday. Kimveer Gill, 25, killed one woman and injured 19 more, 6 of whom are in critical condition in area hospitals. Gill was shot in the trench coat numerous times by police and died at the scene. If you notice, this photo has been brought to us by VampireFreaks.com. OK, take a guess as to what this site is: A) a local Montreal charity that feeds the homeless B) an educational site that helps youngsters with their phonics or C) a death website for losers who are 25 and way too old to be caught up in the whole school-shooting thing. As I write this, I am looking at this guy and I just want to go up to him and be like, "Hey dude, let me check your gun out." And then when he agrees, I fake like I'm interested in it for a moment and and then smash him in the face with the butt. The absolute worst part of this story is the array of articles popping up in Thursday's news about how Gill's favorite video game was "Super Columbine Massacre," an internet game based on the 1999 school shootings. There always has to be someone or something to blame. Yeah, it must be the video game that gave this loser no notion of right or wrong. And when he bought the game, there must have been some sort of promotion where when you buy "Super Columbine Massacre" you get a free Beretta CX4 semi-automatic rifle. It's just disgraceful. Seven years after the Columbine shootings, everyone still blames the music, movies and games for breeding violence when its so obviously the other way around. I hate Marilyn Manson's music. But what I hate more is how he became the scapegoat for the Columbine massacre. After Columbine, Manson wrote an incredibly intelligent editorial in the May 29, 1999 edition of Rolling Stone in response to the media's assertion that he was, in part, responsible for Columbine. After the events in Montreal, Manson's words are worth reading one more time.

•Columbine: Whose Fault Is It? by Marilyn Manson

Jagshemash! Borat Amidst Controversy

The international controversy of Borat Sagdiyev, the lovable Kazakhstani television host, continues as his film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, debuted in Toronto last week. According to reports Wednesday, Kazakhstan President Nursultan Nazarbayev has scheduled a meeting with George Bush to discuss the damage Borat has caused to America's view of Kazakhstan. Sasha Baron Cohen's character Borat is oblivious to any racial, gender or technological advances outside of Kazakhstan. He often speaks about his distrust for Jews, how his sister is the best prostitute in his village and how his younger brother was born with an excessive amount of body hair. In 2005, Borat hosted the MTV Europe Music Awards where he referred to Madonna as a transvestite and Shakira as a prostitute, the whole time in the Kazakhstani character. As a result, the following month, Kazakh authorities shut down Borat's website under the .kz domain name. As the Borat movie nears its Nov. 3 release date, President Nazarbayev fears that the film will worsen the already poor world view of his country. Wah Wah Wah. I think Borat is the best thing that ever happened to Kazakhstan. I have written the word Kazakhstan 5 times (now 6) throughout the course of this post, which is five more times than I've written it in my life. People in America who never knew what Kazakhstan was (7), now do, thanks to Borat. It's not like there were Americans lining up to travel to the beautiful country of Kazakhstan before Borat. So Kazakhstan (8), stop crying and get on board for the comedy of the year, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Dzienkuje!

•Time Magazine Article on Festival
•Video: Borat Speech in Response to Website Closing

    In China, it has become commonplace for the Chinese to adopt English names in addition to their Chinese names. Most popular are the really ordinary American names like Kevin and Lisa. Chinese youths are normally given these names by their parents or teachers, assuming their parents or teachers speak English. But every so often, I will meet someone who has clearly selected his own Chinese name, such as my co-worker, Mr. Iverson Xue. Yes, Iverson. His name is an homage to his favorite NBA basketball player, Allen Iverson. He took the name because, "he liked it." He is also a massive Iverson fan and wears a different Ive shirt to work everyday. So every time I run into this guy, I ask myself the same thing, right after I make a point of saying "Hey, Iverson." How did the American sport of basketball make it's way here? This week in China Ball, I will explain, to the best of my ability, why it is that the game of hoops rules China.
    Many Americans only became aware of China's basketball scene with the introduction of Yao Ming to the NBA in 2002. As the first pick in the NBA draft, Yao began his American career as the Chinese ambassador to the game. He was tall, quiet and brought a different brand of hoops to the NBA, where centers, for the most part, could not shoot jumpers or pass. However, Yao's arrival to the NBA is more of a conclusion to the story of Chinese basketball than a beginning. The history of basketball in China is quite rich and the American-centric basketball fan often forgets that the Chinese have been playing the game for as long, if not longer, than in America.
    Some historians believe the game of basketball was invented in China as an offshoot of a game called shouju, which is an ancient Chinese handball that pre-dates basketball. Shouju was played in the streets, similar to how basketball is played now and the aim of the sports was to shoot a ball into a circular goal. However, the accepted view in sports is that basketball was invented in 1891 by Canadian James Naismith who invented the game while teaching phys-ed at a Y.M.C.A in Springfield, Massachusetts. Naismith wrote 13 rules for his game, made a ball, and used peach baskets as hoops. A year later, Doc Naismith published "The 13 Rules of Basketball," the game became quite popular and the rest is history.
    While most people know James Naismith and they know Springfield because of the present-day Basketball Hall of Fame, what most people do not know is the importance of the Y.M.C.A. in the proliferation of the game. The first spreading of basketball was not global, but rather from one Y.M.C.A. to another. Within a few year's of the game's inception, it had become a regional past-time for men in these Christian schools. And as the 19th century drew to a close, these young Christian men began to prepare for the largest missionary movement to Asia in American history. China, moving through a dynastic transition period, was a hotbed for Americans looking to Christianize the Far East. Not coincidentally, the beginning of the 20th century, post-warlords, pre-Mao, is known as the Golden Age of Christianity in China. American missionaries brought to China the word of God and the rules of basketball.
    From there, the game developed similarly to the way it did in the U.S., people spread the word and basketball gained popularity throughout the early 20th century. Basketball survived through China's period of civil war and came to a crossroads when Mao took power in 1949. As Mao began to rid China of all foreign influence, he could have easily outlawed basketball. He didn't for two reasons. The first is that he believed basketball was a Chinese sport and not the result of Western influence. And the second reason is that Mao loved this game! He saw basketball as a way in which to demonstrate China's dominance. And while China certainly doesn't dominate basketball today, it is the world's second oldest basketball-playing nation. Or first, depending on who you ask.

News We Can Use

MSNBC news anchor, Keith Olbermann, has been taking it to George Bush and his administration in the last two weeks leading up to this 9-minute 9/11 speech from ground zero. Olbermann has apparently changed the format of his show, Countdown, from what was once zany and light news stories to what is now sobering, meaningful political commentary. Olbermann, in this special comment, articulates something that has needed to be said for a while now about the state of fear-mongering and partisanship in America. In a media climate in which it has become okay for O'Reilly and others to rant in defense of the Bush agenda, respect to Keith for using his platform to define the other side.

Response to the Sunday Special:

As the Sunday Special: The Top Ten Dirtiest Names in Sports was included on Blogdome of Deadspin.com, naturally, I received a lot of feedback. The feedback was not lengthy, nor was it varied in topic. The emails I received regarding the post were pretty much all about one thing, or should I say, one guy. As Flumesday does not offer a forum for comments, I thought I would post a sampling of the emails I received to honor those who wrote in. Before I begin, I will say that it's not that I wasn't aware of the guy everyone wrote about and pictured to the left. It is just that, in the process of making a top ten list, it is impossible to include every single person with a dirty, filthy name. There will always be those who have been overlooked. And for that, I'm sorry. There's simply no excuse. But Chubby Cox is funnier anyhow.

Kris D. writes: "Dude. Rusty Kuntz."

Ed. D. writes: "You forgot Rusty Kuntz. Rusty Kuntz played in the majors for several years and got a ring with the Tigers in '84. He was a coach for a few years after that, I remember catching him on TV with the Marlins now and then. If the Tigers make the series, it's inevitable they'll roll out the last championship team at one of the games, which hopefully means they'll announce his name on TV. Here is the link to the Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rusty_Kuntz

Andy A. writes: I enjoyed your Top 10 List, but there was a glaring, or should I say, gaping, omission. American League outfielder for 8 eight years, ladies and gentlemen, now batting...RUSTY KUNTZ. Maybe it was too vulgar for your list, or perhaps it was just an oversight, but passing over Rusty is like a making list of "Best Gangster Rappers" and skipping NWA. Or a list of crazy dumb chicks with big cans, and forgetting Anna Nicole. Or...you get the idea.

Chris M. writes: Loved it...might I add one that belongs on the list...Rusty Kuntz played for the World Series winning Tigers in 1984.

Dave M. writes: How did you miss this guy?
http://www.baseball-reference.com/k/kuntzru01.shtml

While I do admit, he would have been a nice addition to the list, I believe his name, is pronounced KOONZ. Either way, thanks to those who responded to the list. And there will be more of them to follow.

An Expat's 9/11

    When I lived in America, I never thought about all the Americans scattered across the globe. The U.S. State Department estimates 6.6 million U.S. citizens are living abroad, more than 2% of all Americans. While this number does not seem staggering, compared to 40 years ago when only .37% of the U.S. population were living in a foreign country, the percentage has grown to 579 times the 1966 number. This is not a negligible rate of increase. I do not profess to know why so many more Americans live abroad, but my guess is that it has something to do with the increase of employment opportunities as the world's economy has become more and more global. Moreover, since 1966 there have been many events in America, Vietnam stands out, that may have caused people to reject the American lifestyle and start a new life somewhere else. These are the people who make the government have to estimate the number of Americans abroad as many of them never return to the states, do not pay American taxes, and have totally fallen off the American radar. I met many of this type in Thailand and some of them have even fallen off their own radar. With so many Americans abroad, I, as one of them, saw it fit to write an account of how an expat spent September 11th, 2006.
    Last year, I spent 9/11 in Australia where the reflective nature of the day was certainly noticeable. Aussies asked me about where I was when it happened, what it meant to me and what I thought about America's reaction to the attacks. While the Australians don't necessarily agree whole-heartedly with American actions post-9/11, at the end of the day, they are probably the best friends America's got. Today, on the first major anniversary since the attacks, I find myself in China, where things are a bit different. Suffice it to say, September 11th, 2006 was like any other day in the Middle Kingdom.
    When woke up this morning, I turned on the news on China's only English channel, CCTV 9. Surely, they would lead with 9/11 eve and give a summary of Sunday night's observances. After all it was the fifth anniversary of the greatest terrorist attack the world has ever seen. So I get my coffee ready for some "America time" only to find that CCTV 9 is going to make me wait for this story. I had forgotten about something. September 10th is a major day in China. It's the annual Teacher Appreciation Day and this story opened the newscast. How could I forget? Ten minutes into the show came the September 11th story in which English-speaking Asians commented on what the day meant to them. Most of them talked about how they disagreed with the U.S. war in Iraq. Hmm. My motivation to observe this day was quickly evaporating. I left for work in a foul mood. In nine hours at work with American, French, British and many Chinese co-workers, not one of them mentioned September 11th to me.
    I began to think about how different the day must have felt at home and how, of all the American expats living in distant locales, there must have been many feeling the same way as I did. So towards the end of my day, I decided to do the most American thing I could have possibly done to commemorate 9/11 on my own. As soon as the clock ticked 6, I packed up my bag and left the office. I went to the only place where there would be people like me, far from their families and hometowns. I went to a place where I could be the American I've always wanted to be. I went somewhere I'd be able to think. I went to Bubba's Texas Barbecue and observed 9/11 with a Budweiser draught and a plate of brisket, potato salad and baked beans while watching the replay of last night's Giants-Colts game. And the first time I was at all affected by the day was when the national anthem came on the speakers of this Shanghai bar and I watched on TV the visible emotion on the faces of the New York fans. On this day, while my thoughts are obviously with those who lost loved ones on 9/11, I also share these sympathies with all the expats around the world who couldn't be farther from home.

•How 9/11 Was Observed in Asia

Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports

When Florida State's De'Cody Fagg caught his 7 receptions for 93 yards in Saturday's close one against Troy, the Flumesday Heisman-watch officially began. I briefly considered buying the website "www.De'CodyFaggforHeisman.com" but instead, decided to create a list of the Top Ten Dirtiest Names in Sports. These are names of athletes that I have trouble saying with a straight face, such as that of my favorite FSU receiver. These are the names that make me uncomfortable when uttered by straight-laced TV announcers. These are the names that could be confused for sex positions, venereal diseases and insults for your worst enemies.

These are the Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports

Michigan Bitches Irish The Wolverines rolled into South Bend on Saturday and opened a can of whoop-ass on #2 ranked Notre Dame. The 47-21 win marked the second highest point total ever tallied against the Irish at Notre Dame. Brady Quinn, or as he should now be called "Dr. Quinn, Interception Woman", Notre Dame's Heisman hopeful, was exposed in this game throwing 3 picks against the dominant Michigan defense. His Heisman campaign is officially over. The only player in this game who looked like a Heisman hopeful was Michigan's Mario Manningham who spent his day burning Irish D-backs for huge gains, 137 yards in total. This is the first Michigan win in South Bend since 1994, it's first September without a loss since '99 and the first time in recent memory Lloyd Carr has won one of these big early games. As for Notre Dame, not only have their national championship hopes been dashed, but this team has revealed to the nation they have no running game, no secondary and a quarterback who just isn't as good as everyone thought. Notre Dame might have to change their approach in the weeks to come and should consider playing this walk-on named Rudy. He's small but he's got a lot of heart. In a weekend that saw 3 Top-10 teams lose, the polls are going to look mighty different next week. For Michigan analysis deeper than my hate for Notre Dame, click here.

•Week 3 Top 25 Recaps

NFL Bans 'Hey' Song
British singer, Gary Glitter, shown left yukkin' it up in a Vietnam courthouse, has now been pulled from NFL stadiums. Anyone who's ever been to an American sporting event knows Glitter's most famous work "Rock & Roll, Part II," more familiarly known as the "Hey" song. Come on you know it. It's the one that goes, "duh-duh duh-dah-dah dah-dah-dah HEY!!! duh-duh-duh-duh. Yeah well, it was the premiere arena anthem until Gary slipped up and went to Vietnam and got busted last March for having sex with a Vietnamese child. Glitter's currently serving 3 years in a Saigon prison. The NFL has told teams to stop playing the song during games to both make a statement about Glitter's actions and deprive him of the £100,000 a year Glitter earns in royalties from the song. Judging from their replacement song picks, it seems no "Hey" song has left NFL teams in a desperate and frantic state. The Broncos, who had played the song after every touchdown chose Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's "Go Daddy Go" which they changed to "Go Broncos Go". Wow, that's so bad. And the Patriots switched their anthem to U2's "Elevation". That song is so fitting for the Patriots. If the NBA follows suit, fourth quarters at Knicks games will never be the same.

•NFL Soldiers Bravely On

Bush Fingered by NCAA

In a Yahoo! Sports Exclusive released Thursday, Reggie Bush allegedly accepted gifts from prospective agents valued at over $100G while at U.S.C. Sources close to the story say that Bush received cash, car payments, debt payments, airline tickets, hotel tabs and the suits his father and brother wore to the 2005 Heisman ceremony where Bush took home the trophy. Wait, a Yahoo! Sports Exclusive? Is there a Yahoo! Sports Bureau? And they run exclusives? After the NCAA does its thing, and by "thing" I don't mean using athletes like adults and treating them like babies, but rather, their investigation, Bush could be in danger of losing his Heisman trophy and U.S.C. could be subject to sanctions. I mean what is Reggie supposed to do? Make his dad and brother show up to the Heisman ceremony dressed like scrubs? Seriously though, would the NCAA prefer they come in sweatpants and a t-shirt? Suits are expensive. And the 1996 black-on-black Chevy Impala SS with custom detail, state-of-the-art stereo and big-ass rims? Uh...ok, you got him there. But the suit thing is unreasonable. Anyway, Bush stands to lose nothing in this affair, only his Heisman trophy, which would make him the first U.S.C. running back, check that, second U.S.C. running back to lose his Heisman. The only good news to come from this story is that if U.S.C. forfeits all its wins from the Reggie Bush era, then Michigan really won that bloodbath of a Rose Bowl I went to in 2004. Go Blue!

•Yahoo! Exclusive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 Years Since Tupac Death
Wednesday marked the 10th anniversary of the death of Tupac Shakur. Tupac was capped on September 13, 1996 in Las Vegas while riding shotgun to the world's scariest man Suge Knight. No charges have ever been made in his murder. Tupac, unlike the slew of other dead rappers, has not only remained relevant 10 years after his death, but he has remained "hot". 'Pac has defied all expectations of a dead person by droppin' mad singles well into the afterlife. Tupac's posthumous success should serve as an example to all those people who simply don't do anything after they die. On this anniversary, I hope that Tupac's next 10 years are as successful for him as the last.

•Video: Tupac Black Power Speech (1992)

U.S.A. Hasn't Lost Religion
Baylor University released the results of what has been called by academics, the most "extensive and sensitive religious study ever amassed." The study measures the religiousness of Americans and aims to prove or disprove the conventional wisdom that the U.S. is becoming more secular. The study found that the percentage of those who do not have a religion is, in fact, less than it was in 2004 and that the evangelical Protestants, or the "Bushies", continue to grow. The study asks respondents about religion in unconventional ways and digs a bit deeper into American's ideas about God. "What if God was one of us" however, was not featured on the survey, despite being a really deep God question.

•Interesting stats from the study

Smith Has Girl, Loses Boy
In a strange story coming from the Bahamas, the son of Anna Nicole Smith died suddenly. He was visiting his mother there where she had given birth to a baby daughter 3 days earlier. Daniel Wayne Smith reportedly passed out in a chair and never woke up. Smith's lawyer said drugs and alcohol were not a factor in Daniel's death, however I will be very surprised if this holds up after an autopsy. I think I'd be using both quite regularly if I were Anna Nicole's child. The Nassau Guardian, the island's newspaper, reported that Smith had suffered a massive heart attack but doctors could not confirm these reports. Smith was 20.

•The Nassau Guardian article

Giants Lose Manning Bowl
In the battle of who is the more manly Manning, Peyton and the Colts came out on top. In the 26-21 victory, the elder Manning was not bothered by the highly- touted Giant D. Eli's numbers were solid, completing 20 of 34 passes for 247 yards. However, three easy interceptions dropped, poor officiating and and inability to stop the Colt offensive machine leave the Giants 0-1 with a game in Philly next weekend. For full and dynamic Giants coverage, visit NYGmen.com.

Arnold Gets Racist
The Los Angeles Times released a tape Friday of California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger saying in March that Hispanics were fiery people due to their mix of "black blood and Latino blood." He was referring to Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia when he said "I mean Cuban, Puerto Rican, they are all very hot. They have, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it." Garcia was not offended by Arnold's words and said that she frequently refers to herself as a hot-blooded Latina Mama (I added the "Mama"). The hot-blooded Latina is a Republican supporter of the dumb-blooded Austrian and believes the release of the tape is a purely partisan stunt on behalf of the Democrats who are aiming to oust Arnold in November's re-election. Arnold apologized Friday for his remarks. What do you expect from a guy with a last name composed of 2 racial slurs?

•Listen to the full audio

Oy Vey! Kosher Jews Duped
Jews in Rockland County, New York, were crying "oy gevalt" as they learned that the farkakte shande of a butcher, Moshe Finkel, had been selling traif chicken to Jews at a kosher deli. This meshegaas led to thousands of mispoches to have to kasher, or purify, their kitchens by boiling all pots, plates and utensils. Finkel, the schmuck who caused this tsuris to Rockland's Jewish community, has gone into hiding and will now be worth bubkes to his former community.

•Yiddish Words Defined

Paris Busted
Rich girl Paris Hilton was arrested Thursday for driving under the influence of alcohol. While Hilton vehemently denies she was inebriated, she was observed by police driving erratically after leaving a Dave Navarro charity event in L.A. with homegirl Kimberly Stewart riding shotgun. Stewart was also questioned by police as to whether she called "shotgun" while still inside the concert or after the car was visible to all passengers eligible for "shotgun." Hilton blew, among other things that night, a 0.08 blood alcohol level, which is the minimum for a DUI charge in California. Paris was picked up from the police station by sister Nicky and boyfriend, E. from Entourage. Johnny Drama and Turtle, reportedly, were driving golf balls from their deck and did not come with. As a fan, let's not let this incident mar all the positive contributions Paris has made to society.

•Photos of Paris in Cuffs

Dylan Back On Top
Bob Dylan and his silly little mustache topped the U.S. album charts with "Modern Times," making him the oldest living musician to debut at #1. The 65 year-old singer now also holds the record for longest time span between #1 albums, as his "Desire" reached the top of the charts 30 years ago. And to top it off, he now holds the record for the oldest Jewish dude to change his image, adopt a silly little mustache and bola tie, and release a #1 album. The album is very solid.

•Washington Post Review

The View Gains Weight
Rosie O'Donnell brings her loud and unfunny brand of comedy to ABC's The View beginning Wednesday morning. Without a show under her big belt, Rosie already pissed her senior co-host Barbara Walters off. As Newsweek reports, Walters didn't take kindly to Rosie's blogging in which she complains about the show's promos and badmouths her critics. OK, this show is a gaggle of loud women gossiping about what is current and what is important to them. Rosie is and has always been a big, noisy complainer. And fortunate for her, she's found a job where she can be herself.