Asia, This Ain't The Rice You're Used To
A few things I know about U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice:  She's a Republican.  She listens to Led Zeppelin.  She's 51 and unmarried.  And Wednesday, she will land in Tokyo to begin meeting with Asian powers to figure out a way to put an end to this North Korean silliness.  The U.S. believes North Korea is gearing up for another nuclear test and that Pyongyang has already warned China of its intentions.  The major goal of Secretary Rice's diplomatic mission is to persuade China to go along with international sanctions.  Rice is scheduled to meet with her Chinese counterpart, Li Zhaoxing on Friday and Saturday.  Until now, North Korea has hid behind its alliance with Beijing to defy international demands and provoke a potential regional war.  But according to Chinese officials as reported in the People's Daily, North Korea has "touched China's warning line."  The strength of the Chinese-North Korean alliance is based on shared values that China no longer shares with its neighbor.  To China, North Korea is the old friend he invites to his house party who drinks all his liquor, gets belligerent, insults all his new friends and stays a little too long.  All night China wants North Korea to leave but after all, they go back, and frankly, China doesn't want to have that confrontation.  And then Condoleezza, the girl China's been flirting with all night comes and sits on China's lap.  She points to her expensive high-heel shoes.  "You like these, China" she asks.  As he's about to answer, she puts a finger over his mouth.  "Shh."  She then points to her sensuous lips dressed in the finest Yves Saint Laurent shade.  "How about these?"  Again, she covers China's mouth.  She looks him in the eye and brushes her hand over the length of her toned, little body.  Condi leans in real close and whispers in China's ear, "You only have to do one simple thing to make all of this yours."  China, who hasn't been laid in ages and needs this one, whispers back, "What's that?"  Condi turns her eyes to North Korea who is now across the room making drunken sexual advances to uninterested girls.  Condi points at North Korea and whispers to China, "Kick his ass out."

•Washington Post: Rice Starts Asian Tour