A strange, strange story in the New York Times today looks at the grass-mud horse craze in China, an effort by a fed-up Chinese citizenry to mock Beijing’s web censorship. Though my understanding of this is somewhere between mediocre and sound, what I can gather is that the grass-mud horse, an alpaca-like animal, sounds exactly like “fuck your mother” in Mandarin Chinese. Someone made a YouTube children’s video, that as of Thursday has logged 1.5 million viewers, which says something to the effect of “the grass-mud horses are courageous and tenacious.” The horses come from the Malegbi desert, which translates to “your mother’s cunt” (no joke) and work to defeat the river crabs (synonymous with “censorship”). Not only are people watching the video, but people are buying grass-mud horse stuffed animals and in general, celebrating the new symbolism of what could be the next major Chinese democratic resistance. And just in time for the 20th anniversary of Tiananmen Square. If I were Hu Jintao, I’d be totally fine with a cute furry animal replacing a student in front of a tank as the iconic image of China’s pro-democracy movement.

Here’s the YouTube video:

In a breaking story Monday morning, the Chinese navy has pulled a high school-style prank on a U.S. vessel in the South China sea. Reportedly, a Chinese intelligence ship and four other vessels surrounded the USNS Impeccable, came dangerously close to the ship and then Chinese crew members sprayed the U.S. vessel with fire hoses, stripped down to their underwear and, as MSNBC reported, “mooned” the U.S. Navy. According to an AP report, the Obama administration is protesting the aggression to the Chinese government, to be delivered to Beijing on Monday. MSNBC is reporting that a day earlier, Chinese planes circled the Impeccable 11 times, proclaimed that the U.S. ship was operating illegally and ordered the ship to cease operations or “suffer the consequences.” It remains unclear whether the mooning was a full moon or a half moon or whether Chinese soldiers used the preferred pre-mooning question, “How about this black hole?”

Photo: USNS Impeccable

The World Baseball Classic rolls on today without the Small Red Machine, the Chinese national team, eliminated Sunday by Beijing Olympic champs South Korea. The Seoul Men slapped around China in a 14-0 rout that had to be called after the top of the seventh inning in accordance with the WBC’s “mercy rule.” As an aside, my favorite sports commentator Mike Francesa said it best last night on his show Mike’d Up that this mercy rule is a “complete joke” and it makes what could otherwise feel like an elite international tournament, feel like a softball tournament. That being said, if there was ever a team, or a continent for that matter, that needed a mercy rule, it’s China and the rest of Asia. The first reason is that you have teams like Japan and Korea, two legit baseball powerhouses playing meek squads like China and Taiwan, and the probability that you’ll have a 14-0 game is much higher than, say, in a Braves-Marlins series. But these type of blowouts could occur in any of these Classic games — especially when you have Cuba in the same pool as South Africa or the Dominican Republic in the same pool as the Netherlands. Why the Netherlands is in the tournament could be the subject of another post. The major reason the mercy rule suits the Asian teams is that all of these countries bring a higher standard of “honor” to international play and view blowouts as the ultimate embarrassment. For instance, in one of the bigger political grudge matches of the tournament, China beat Taiwan 4-1 on Saturday. One day earlier, Taiwan was shut out by the Koreans 9-0. Following the two losses, Taiwanese legislators have called for sweeping reform to the island’s baseball program. Likewise, while China doesn’t, and shouldn’t, think of itself as a baseball power, losing to Japan, the object of national hatred, doesn’t sit too well with its sports authorities. But unlike Taiwan, whose leaders openly blast its own team, China’s preferred response to its baseball failures is to pretend the tournament never happened. For instance, the top story Sunday on the online version of the China Daily sports page isn’t China’s elimination from the Classic, but rather Manchester United’s English Cup win. Fine, Man U is huge in China, but even if you click on the section of the sports page marked “World Events” or “China,” there is no mention of the World Baseball Classic anywhere on those pages. And if you search China’s state news agency Xinhua for “baseball,” the only hit for the Classic is a story from March 4 on Cuba’s national team. China is pretending that its dismal performance at the Classic never happened. Rest assured, if China had made it through pool play to the next round of the Classic, we’d know about it. China went winless in the inaugural Classic in 2006 and has since attempted to make strides in the development of players in the mainland. But as can be seen from China’s brief appearance in the Classic, I’m not sure the world has anything to worry about.

Image: Bleacher Report

So finally, we have a resolution to the international dispute over two Chinese bronze heads that sold last week as part of Yves Saint Laurent’s estate sale. The statues, that Beijing claims were looted from China nearly 150 years ago by foreign aggressors, were sold to a Chinese bidder Cai Mingchao, who paid $40 million for the two pieces. And then, uh, he refused to to pay. Not that he couldn’t afford the pieces, but rather he made a political statement on behalf of his country, that the stolen goods should be returned to China. Cai told the press, “We have stood up and thankfully I was given this opportunity, which I felt was my responsibility. And what I want to stress, is I will not pay for this bid.” What some art dealers are worried about, Bloomberg reported Tuesday, is that this episode will make the items tainted, as future bidders will fear legal action by the Chinese government and thus, the price of the art will be completely driven down. What this episode also taints is the reputation of the Chinese when it comes to Western art sales. Will Christie’s have to worry about this happening every time a Chinese relic goes under the hammer anywhere but China? It’s worth pointing out that the two pieces, a rabbit head and a rat head, were designed by a non-Chinese Jesuit missionary and have been part of a Western collection for over a century. As one art dealer asked, “Should every painting that Rembrandt made be returned to Holland?”

Al-Jazeera has a good video on the scandal:

UPDATE 3/4: The saga of the canceled Oasis shows continues… The Guardian published a story today claiming that China’s canning of the two concerts had nothing to do with Tibet, and everything to do with the finance troubles of the concert promoter. This would not explain why the government would shut down the shows, but the guy actually went on the record with Reuters and admitted to being broke. Check out the Guardian story here.

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According to a Guardian reportAs McClatchy reporter Tim Johnson aptly put it in an article Tuesday, Oasis got “Bjorked.” The term refers to the concert fiasco in Shanghai last year when Bjork repeatedly yelled “Free Tibet” during her performance. As a result, the Chinese government has been extra wary of a Western act pulling a similar stunt. And for those of you who know Oasis, those guys are fucking crazy and capable of anything.

The British band was scheduled to perform two shows in early April, one at the Beijing Capital Indoor Arena and one at the Shanghai Grand Stage, as part of the world tour promoting the release of their latest album Dig Out Your Soul. However, according to a statement from the band released Monday, musicians and promoters were informed Saturday that both shows were canceled. Ticket vendors were ordered by the government to cease all sales for the show and reimburse all those who had already purchased tickets.

The reason given for the abrupt cancellation was guitarist Noel Gallagher’s ties to the Free Tibet movement. Here’s part of the band’s statement:

The licensing and immigration process for the two shows had been fully and successfully complied with well before the shows went on sale. The Chinese authorities action in cancelling these shows marks a reversal of their decision regarding the band, which has left both Oasis and the promoters bewildered.

According to the show’s promoters, officials within the Chinese Ministry of Culture only recently discovered that Noel Gallagher appeared at a Free Tibet Benefit Concert on Randall’s Island in New York in 1997, and have now deemed that the band are consequently unsuitable to perform to their fans in the Chinese Republic on 3rd and 5th of April, during its 60th anniversary year.

At this point, when one of these high-profile Western shows in China is scheduled, it is more likely to be canceled than to go on — a shame considering the strides China’s live music scene has made in the last few years. Whereas a decade ago it would have been unthinkable to have a major live act perform in the mainland, as of late these shows, or at least rumors of these shows, have become routine. In the past three years alone, Shanghai has hosted the Rolling Stones, Linkin Park, Eric Clapton, Ziggy Marley and The Roots. For those music fans in Shanghai or Beijing, it would have been nice to add Oasis to this list.

A handsome guy over at the Huffington Post published a post about the mass censorship around Asia during last week’s broadcast of the Oscars. Instead of “you commie homo-loving sons of guns,” to viewers watching on CCTV-6 in the mainland, the subtitles read, “you are all so generous.” Read the post here.