The new Chris Rock special “Kill the Messenger” premiered this weekend, and the timing couldn’t be better. While it was somewhat weird for me that producers spliced clips together from three different shows — New York, London and Johannesburg — and the transitions were far from seamless, this special was vintage Chris Rock. It’s good to see he’s still got it, and that after a string of pitiful HBO comedy specials recently (Dana Carvey excluded), we are reminded that these specials still have the capacity to be great.

As Rock normally barks after he says something particularly controversial, he didn’t use his “That’s right I said it!” line after his most shocking line — about how John McCain was captured in Vietnam. It’s interesting how McCain’s military service is really the last and only untouchable issue in this election. And Rock touched it. Here’s what he said in his special:

McCain has got that old story. Motherfucker’s been telling the same story for 40 fucking years. He a war hero. He a war hero. He a war hero… THAT GOT CAPTURED. There’s a lot of guys in jail that got captured. Shit…Fuck that. I don’t want to vote for nobody that got captured, I want to vote for the motherfucker that got away.

From Joy Behar’s questioning of McCain on “The View,” widely considered his toughest interview to date; to Tina Fey’s nearly perfect impersonation of Sarah Palin on “SNL”; to David Letterman’s exposing how McCain lied about having to cancel his “Late Show” appearance; to Chris Rock’s new special, comedians are playing an enormous role in this election. They are asking the questions and saying the things the mainstream media won’t. What news anchor would have the nerve to say that McCain hired his nurse as his running mate? Here’s a good clip from “Kill the Messenger”:

Considering my team completely sucks this year, I have had to find joy in aspects of college football this season that have nothing to do the football itself. So I thought it may be interesting to share the best clips from college football that have actually zero to do with the games themselves.

So let’s begin with the Texas-UTEP game last weekend. Texas won 42-13, but again, this has to do with the game, so who cares. As you’ll see in the video, there are two UTEP fans that are just as bored with their Miners as I am with my Wolverines. Except, whereas I turn to beer when my team is sucking, these two turn to manual sex, in public, in front of thousands of people. Watch this one carefully.

Which brings us to this weekend, when the 23rd-ranked Cal Golden Bears got upset by Maryland 35-27. But again, the score is not what’s important. What is important is that Cal running back did exactly what I wanted to do every time Michigan fumbled this weekend. Seven times! Seven! Have you ever seen a team fumble seven times in a game? To be clear, this is exactly what I felt like doing. But it never happened.

I wanted to throw up so bad during the Michigan game yesterday, I might have considered allowing a Maryland cornerback swiftly slam me to the ground. I miss Lloyd Carr.

A four-year-old Asian elephant who became addicted to heroin has completed a 3-year detox program and is headed back to his hometown of Kunming in south China. Xiguang, the elephant’s street name, became hooked back in March, 2005 when illegal animal smugglers fed the elephant a steady diet of smack-laced bananas. When Chinese police busted the animal trade ring three months later, they discovered that Xiguang the Elephant was suffering from classic heroin withdrawal symptoms: shaking, watery eyes, jitterness. Basically, Xiguang the Elephant was like half Babar, half Ozzy. According to Xinhua, veterinarians gave Xiguang methadone treatments at five times the normal human doses. While Xiguang will be living the clean life in Yunnan Wild Animal Park in southwest China, he should really consider making a move to Alphabet City in lower Manhattan, where from what I understand, many former junk addicts still reside. Roger from Rent told Flumesday that “11th and B would provide a warm sober-living environment for Xiguang.” He then threw his fist in the air and asked, “How we gonna pay, how we gonna pay, how we gonna pay last year’s rent?”