Most Overdue Death of the Year
Evel Knievel
We kick off the 2007 ceremony with one of my favorite honors: the Most Overdue Death of the Year. This prize is given to the man or woman who died in the last year who should have died long, long before. Last year the honor went to animal agitator Steve Irwin. This year the most overdue death of the year belongs to Robert Craig Knievel Jr., known to the world as Evel Knievel. The world’s first true daredevil, Knievel holds the Guinness world record for the most broken bones sustained from one injury when he broke 40 bones in his famous Caesar’s Palace motorcycle crash. After hundreds of death-defying jumps, Knievel succumbed to idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis and diabetes on November 30 in Clearwater, Florida.
Honorable Mention: Yone Minagawa (114 years old, world’s oldest living person)
Most Suspicious Death of the Year
Anna Nicole Smith
What do you get when a rich airhead and the heir to her fortune die suddenly within 5 months of each other? A suspicious death. And in the case of Anna Nicole Smith, a suspicious death that involves a shady lawyer, a newborn, a baby daddy and a lethal mixture of prescription pills. And as it turned out, not a whole hell of a lot of money. Reportedly, 8 of the 11 drugs in Smith’s system were prescribed to Howard K. Stern, Smith’s lawyer/husband who coincidentally, was in the room during the “accidental” overdose of Smith’s son.
Honorable Mention: Benazir Bhutto
Better Off Dead Award
Jerry Falwell
As Bill Maher proclaimed following the May 15 death of the fundamental Christian Reverend Jerry Falwell, “death isn’t always sad.” In his 74 years of life, Falwell served as the embodiment of intolerance and distaste in America. He once called AIDS, “God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals,” and blamed September 11th on abortionists, feminists, gays and lesbians, and the ACLU. Falwell joins Kenneth Lay as the only two humans disgusting enough to merit this award.
Honorable Mention: Ike Turner, Leona Helmsley, Jack Valenti
Death of the Year in Politics
Boris Yeltsin
In a year that saw a huge political assassination in Pakistan, it is still former Russian president Boris Yeltsin who was 2007’s biggest political death. Although Yeltsin may be remembered as the guy with the greasy hair and even greasier smile who came between Gorbachev and Putin, he will forever be Russia’s first popularly elected president. And this legacy as a major symbol of post-Cold War Russia will outlast Yeltsin’s legacy as a political failure. He died of congestive heart failure on April 23 at the age of 76.
Honorable Mention: Benazir Bhutto, Henry Hyde
Death of the Year in Film
Ingmar Bergman
The Swedish director, who Woody Allen called the “greatest film artist since the invention of the motion picture camera,” died in his sleep on July 30 at the age of 89. Bergman directed 62 films and over 170 plays in a career that spanned over 60 years. He achieved international acclaim for his two 1957 films The Seventh Seal, which won the Jury Special Prize at Cannes and Wild Strawberries, the film that won Bergman the top prize that year in Berlin. Bergman won 3 Best Foreign Language Film Oscars and the Lifetime Achievement Award in 1971.
The ‘Rap About it Enough, It’ll Happen to You’ Award
Pimp C
The award designated for hip-hop artists who suffer a fate similar to the imagery and events portrayed in their music goes to Pimp C, a forerunner of the Texas-bred chopped and screwed form of hip-hop developed as a sleepy accompaniment to codeine consumption. Pimp C died December 4 in a Hollywood hotel room. He was sleeping. And probably was sipping on some sizurp.
Death of the Year in Television
Merv Griffin
Most older people know Merv Griffin from hosting numerous games shows in the early 60s and his talk show The Merv Griffin Show which ran for 21 years on NBC and CBS. Younger people know Merv Griffin as a name that pops up at the end of Jeopardy. The Godfather of the Game Show died on August 12 of prostate cancer. Griffin left behind Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy!, two of the most successful games shows on television and most lucrative programs in syndication. Merv was 82.
Honorable Mention: Mr. Whipple, Mr. Wizard, Tom Snyder
Most Unusual Death of the Year
Carlos Sousa Jr.
Last year, this award went to a baseball player who flew a plane into a Manhattan apartment building. This year, we honor Carlos Sousa, who tragically died at the hands of a Siberian tiger at the San Francisco Zoo on Christmas day. Sousa, a 17-year-old Mexican-American, was mauled to death by Tatiana, the cat that apparently leaped over the 13-foot wall of its enclosure and fatally bit Sousa on the neck. It doesn’t get much more unusual.
Honorable Mention: Donda West (Kanye’s mama, complications from plastic surgery)
Death of the Year in Science
Mr. Wizard
As I wrote back in June, “It was the mid-80s and as a young curious TV addict, a science program on Nickelodeon transported me to a world in which an old white man was king and a group of Chinese kids with glasses were his subjects.” Well, mostly Chinese. But always the object of my envy. Mr. Wizard guided viewers through the world of science from 1949 almost up until his death this year. Mr. Wizard, or Don Herbert, died of multiple myeloma at his home at the age of 89.
Honorable Mention: Dr. Robert Cade (Gatorade inventor), Robert Adler (TV remote control inventor)
The ‘Right Name, Wrong Guy’ Award
Michael Jackson
When the Grim Reaper comes to pluck a soul from this world, sometimes he gets the wrong guy. After all, what does the agent of death who ascends from the bowels of hell know between a serial child molester and a quirky old chap known as the “Beer Hunter.” The world’s foremost (and perhaps only) beer journalist and connoisseur was taken on August 30 in his home in London.
Death of the Year in Sports
Phil Rizzuto
The Scooter gets the sports nod this year not just because he’s a hall of fame shortstop, but because he spent 40 years as the voice of the Yankees and made “Holy Cow” a household expression. While some question Rizzuto’s hall of fame credentials, his 55 years with the Yankees made him perhaps the most lovable figure in the team’s history. When Scooter died August 13 at the age of 89, he was the oldest living member of baseball’s hall of fame.
Honorable Mention: Sean Taylor, Bowie Kuhn, Bill Walsh, Eddie Robinson
The ‘Where Do I Know This Dead Guy From?’ Award
James Callahan
God. Where do I know this dead guy from? His face is so familiar. Judging from the photo, he must have been pretty old when I knew him. Maybe a politician or an athlete. No. I know! He played some sort of an grandfather in a TV show. I got it. Walter Powell in Charles in Charge! I knew I knew this dead guy from somewhere!
Honorable Mention: Tom Poston (George from Newhart), Shawn Eckhardt (Tonya Harding’s bodyguard)
Death of the Year in Music
Luciano Pavarotti
As tempted as I was to give this award to Ike Turner, the man who arguably invented rock and roll music, the Italian tenor was the biggest music death of the year. Pun intended. Luciano Pavarotti was the world’s preeminent opera star from the mid-80s until his death this year. Pavarotti will be remembered best for his role in the Three Tenors, the supergroup who overtook the opera world in the 90s. I don’t listen to Pavarotti. But in terms of global appeal (he’s a god in China), perhaps there was no bigger death this year than Pavarotti.
Honorable Mention: Ike Turner, Don Ho, Beverly Sills, Dan Fogelberg, Robert Goulet, Brad Delp (Boston), Denny Doherty (Mamas and the Papas), Kevin DuBrow (Quiet Riot), Bobby Pickett (”Monster Mash”), Hilly Krystal (founder of CBGB’s)
The ‘Life’s Not Always Fair’ Award
Richard Jewell
One day, you’re an upstanding private security guard working the Summer Olympics in Atlanta. The next day you’re a ruthless terrorist. After the infamous bombing at the ‘96 summer games, Jewell was mistakenly named the bomber. Despite the fact Jewell was never charged with the crime and that the FBI officially cleared him, his name and life were ruined by the American media. He died on August 29 at 44.
Best Supporting Actor in a Death of the Year Award
Tatiana the Tiger
Tatiana is the cute little kitty that ripped into a guy’s neck at the San Francisco Zoo on Christmas. Unfortunately, Tatiana couldn’t be here to accept this award. At just four years old, San Francisco police shot the Siberian tiger to death as she was ripping into a guy’s neck.
Not quite dead honor goes to Melanie.
http://LetHerIn.org
not funny at all and also not a positive way to start the new year maybe you had to much to drink
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