A mentally-ill New Hampshire man walked into Hillary Clinton’s Rochester, New Hampshire headquarters Friday claiming to have explosives strapped to his chest and demanded to speak to Senator Clinton. However, Clinton was in Washington and the “explosives” turned out to be highway flares. But that didn’t stop 47-year-old Leeland Eisenberg from orchestrating a six-hour hostage crisis involving a SWAT team, New Hampshire police, an infant and a group of young Clinton staffers. According to the AP, Eisenberg entered the Clinton office at around 1pm with a pack of flares strapped to his chest with duct tape. He released a woman with a small infant and took the rest of the office hostage, making the workers lie on the floor. New Hampshire officials promptly sent Rochester students home from school, and Clinton’s Democratic opponents Barack Obama and John Edwards closed their New Hampshire offices. Eisenberg then slowly released hostages throughout the afternoon as though his motives were more recreational than violent, and surrendered himself shortly after 6pm. He detached the so-called explosives from his chest and was taken into custody by police. The hostage crisis ended peacefully and Clinton told the press in Washington, “It’s been a difficult but eventually gratifying day the way it worked out.” Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson characterized Friday’s events as “scary” during an appearance Friday evening on Larry King Live. And although I haven’t spoken with her, I also know how my Jewish grandmother reacted to the hostage crisis at the Clinton campaign office: “Oy vey.” I assume that all of her older Jewish contemporaries reacted similarly. Not because of the hostages or the explosives or the potential carnage or any of that. But because of the name “Eisenberg.” You see, when an older person of the Jewish faith hears “Eisenberg” or “Goldstein” or “Weiss” or “Weinstein” on the news, it becomes less about the event itself and more about hoping that some fakakte mishugina didn’t go do something stupid to bring down the Jewish name. So if by some chance, Grandma, you bought a computer, learned how to use it and are reading what you have referred to as my “newsletter,” I will join you in a solemn “oy vey” today. Let’s hope next time it’s a shegetz.

•AP: Hostage Crisis Ends at Clinton Office

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