The Original Guy-Tai: Pirates of the DVD World
In Chinese, a “tai-tai” is translated directly as “lady of the house” or in the U.S., “housewife.” The author of this column, other than being a writer and photographer, is a stay-at-home dad. He refers to himself not as a tai-tai, but rather, a “guy-tai.” But he’s not just any guy-tai. Having lived in Shanghai for six years and having coined the phrase years ago to describe his new role, he is the Original Guy-Tai. I’ve decided to include him in Flumesday from time to time because he bought me lunch once.
I live in China. I have access to 60¢, pirated DVDs on every street corner. I have already bought Ocean’s 13, Spiderman 3 and the new Pirates of the Caribbean while the rest of the world will have to wait months. I am happy, while those of you who don’t live in China are most likely jealous, pissed or both.
I cannot buy any DVD legitimately in Shanghai because they are not for sale anywhere. Can I go to Carrefour (#2 retailer in the world behind WalMart) and buy Double Team starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman circa 1997? Yes. But can I buy anything close to decent or remotely from this decade like Apocalypto, Deadwood or Ghost Rider? No way Jose.
Honestly, thanks to a non-existent distribution system by the major Hollywood studios, probably due to their lack of work with the Chinese government, I couldn’t buy their real DVDs in China if I wanted to. They don’t exist. It would in fact, be easier to find a 40-year-old virgin.
And yet I have close friends back in the US film industry who are ready to jail me like my name was Paris because they claim a gazillion dollars are lost each minute due to piracy. But are Hollywood studios really in danger of going bankrupt? Dreamworks, Pixar, Universal… anyone?! No. And how about the actors, directors or producers? Even despite multiple, multi-million dollar divorces like Spielberg’s $50 million whopper? None.
So what’s the real reason Hollywood is crying over lost revenue when they easily pay off all production costs and much more with just the US box office proceeds? I’ll tell you. It’s because they have all caved in to alarming, spiraling out-of-control, multiple actors’ and directors’ and producers’ salaries that are way over $10 million plus a percentage of the gross and royalties.
You know like Clint Eastwood, who made $12 million plus 15% gross for the film…anyone? Letters From Iwo Jima? Million Dollar Baby (4 Oscars)? Unforgiven (2 Oscars)? No, no and no… it was for the prehistoric, 1978 not-even-close-to-Oscar-winning Every Which Way You Can. Now imagine how overpaid everyone in that industry is today.
If some marketing manager works for Pepsi, has an idea and brings a new product like Lemon Diet Pepsi to market, do they get a percentage of every soda sold. No. They are an employee and so they are paid their salary. But if some lame producer or director, brings most any ordinary film to market, he is paid an obscene salary plus % of gross plus royalties. Great for them, but the studios who negotiated this plague should NOT push this cost directly to the consumer. That’s their bed, they should sleep in it.
OK, now it’s your turn to argue… But before you get started, can I just ask you to do something for me? Please use “Intellectual Property” and “Police Academy 6″ in the same sentence. Go on, I’ll wait… Yeah, just as I thought. Now wipe that drool from your chin and close your mouth.
Each DVD, no matter how elaborate the packaging, costs the studio about 25 cents to produce; yet they expect us to buy it for $20? I’ll gladly pay $3 and they can still make 400%. OK but even then, it won’t play in my regionally encoded DVD player because I live overseas. I suppose that’s just punishment for trying to play by the rules. I may as well go play lacrosse for Duke.
And so I have at least 1,500 responses to all this and I continue to buy them by the fistful; and for peanuts too. Oh and get this, I have so many pirated DVDs, that there are many current titles that I don’t even have time to watch…they just sit there, in a huge stack.
So are you spittin’ nails yet, or just plain jealous? Don’t be either. “Come to the dark side… It is your destiny.”