Well, not exactly Spiderman. But an idiot laowai dressed as Spiderman. As the Shanghai Daily reported Thursday afternoon, a foreign man between the ages of 30 and 40 began climbing the Jinmao Tower, the world’s fourth tallest building. The man, wearing a blue and red Spiderman costume, began climbing the building at around 3pm, Shanghai local time. He scaled the side of the Jinmao for nearly an hour until police and firefighters arrived and the climber came down. The man brought his own cheering section and photographers who screamed during his ascent. The Shanghai Daily tries real hard to be a real newspaper, but couldn’t get a lousy photograph as of Thursday afternoon, when this was posted. Flumesday did. Three actually. And a video from inside the tower. According to the English paper, when the Spiderman impersonator touched ground he waved and struck poses for the crowd. Police sealed off the building and arrested the climber who looks wasted in the photo #3. It is unconfirmed whether the climber was part of a publicity stunt for the new Spiderman 3 movie now playing in Shanghai theaters.
•Shanghai Daily: ‘Spiderman’ Ends Show in Police Station
Chen Yan, a 51-year-old Chinese woman wowed crowds over the weekend as she appeared in a Sichuan province mall dressed and made up as Chairman Mao. Chen has been making appearances around China as the “first female Mao impersonator” and hopes to get work as the first “Mao Zedong actress,” in her own words. Shoppers stopped to take photos of the impersonator, who waved to the crowd with a Mao-like outstretched arm. Chen donned Mao’s trademark grey suit and even wore the Chairman’s chin mole. I mean, it’s conceivable that Chen had the very same mole as Mao, but one can only assume that it is makeup. Chen was discovered in 2005 by a beautician who saw striking similarities between Chen and the Chairman’s cheekbones. The beautician saw an opportunity to cash in and gave Chen the makeover, or as I prefer, a “Maokover.” Reportedly, Chen spends 800 yuan ($100) on makeup for each appearance. She told the press from a hair salon in the Sichuan city of Mianyang that the biggest difference between her and the big guy is the height difference. Chen is 5′1″ while Mao was 5′9″. For her appearances, Chen wears specially designed shoes to make her taller. She also started smoking Mao’s unfiltered cigarettes. Chen did not comment as to what she does with her breasts when she appears as Mao. I’d imagine, based solely on my experience watching Boys Don’t Cry, that she wraps them up with a giant Ace bandage. According to the Chinese media, there are strict rules governing the impersonation of China’s leaders. An impersonator must seek approval from the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television (the censorship police) and ask permission of the leader’s family.
Of all the scares China endured recently– Olympic boycott, a dip in the soaring stock market, contaminated pet food– those in the Middle Kingdom now have a new reason to fret. That pink, 30-yuan bottle of spring water you buy at one of Shanghai’s finer restaurants might be just as nasty as the stuff in the Chinese tap. Wednesday, Shanghai customs officials seized a 118-ton shipment of Evian mineral water. The French-made bottled water was found to have excessive amounts of bacteria, said Danone, Evian’s Paris-based parent company. Interestingly enough, Evian claimed the reason for the seizure was that China uses a different set of guidelines than the World Health Organization when examining food and beverages. To that, I would say that in my brief experience living in China, it appears that the food safety standards here are some of the most lax in the world. I once got a piece of pork with a pig hair on it. That water had to have been mighty funky to get confiscated. An Evian spokesperson told the media, “We need to reassure consumers that the microbial flora existing in our products is totally safe.” Uh, no you don’t. Because none of your customers have the faintest clue what microbial flora are. Just tell them it’s French and it has something to do with glaciers and natural springs and they’ll drink it. But the better question is, and something that’s bugged me for a while now, is that in a country where the tap water is unsafe to drink, why at a nice restaurant in Shanghai, is a 4-dollar bottle of Evian my only option for water? Maybe because idiot rich people buy it, thinking its microbial fibers are better than those in the domestic brand. Well now you know that the microbial flora in Evian might not be microbial flora at all. It’s nasty bacteria. Nasty bacteria that originates from the banks of Lake Geneva. Nasty bacteria that filters through the finest mineral-rich sand formations and clays and then to the spring in which the nasty bacteria is bottled into the overpriced Evian that finds its way to fine Shanghainese eateries. Or in this case, into some Chinese customs hangar.
I don’t think I’ve written a post about myself since I went to get my hair cut and the “don’t want no short dick man” song came on. But I haven’t written for a while and I feel like I owe an explanation. While I am lazy, that’s not the reason. And it wasn’t because I scored two front-row tickets to the Anhui province men’s bodybuilding tournament (hot photo). I only wish. It’s that I’ve been busy. And not in the way that people are always saying they’re busy. Actually busy. As you may have gathered from a previous post and a conspicuously placed link to the left, I have been involved in the launch of a new online magazine in Shanghai called Small Swords. Initially, it was my hope to keep up Flumesday and this new website simultaneously. But a few things happened. First, I realized that the new website was going to take up a lot more of my time than I had originally thought if it were to be as good as it is. And it’s good. Secondly, and unexpectedly, I have taken an expanded role in maintaining the Small Swords site on top of writing and editing. If you read this site regularly, you know that site maintenance is not my strong suit. I like to write.
Perhaps the loudest protestor of the Iraq war, Cindy Sheehan, whose son Casey was killed in a 2004 Baghdad battle, has turned off the megaphone, laid down the signs and announced she is officially finished protesting the war. Sheehan wrote a 1,200-word letter titled “Good Riddance Attention Whore” published on the liberal website Daily Kos, enumerating her reasons for giving up the anti-war fight. As anyone could guess, the primary reason for Sheehan packing it in, and granted, she kept it up for over two years, is that the California mom had run out of cash. Sheehan also renounced the Democratic Party, writing “hundreds of thousands of people are dying for a war based on lies that is supported by Democrats and Republican alike.” While Sheehan writing “Good Riddance Attention Whore” is obviously sarcastic, to some extent, good riddance Cindy Sheehan (I wouldn’t dare call a woman who lost her son in Iraq a “whore”). And not because I disagree with Sheehan’s beliefs about the war or the methods she selected to demonstrate her beliefs. I think much of what she says couldn’t be more true. In her letter she called America “a country which cares more about who will be the next American Idol than how many people will be killed in the next few months while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives.” It’s true. People do care a bit too much about American Idol considering what’s going on. And her camping out in front of George Bush’s Crawford Texas ranch in 2005 and his refusal to come out and meet her will go down as one of the great American war protests and simultaneously, one of the greatest acts of presidential cowardice. So then why good riddance to Cindy Sheehan? I’m glad Cindy Sheehan is quitting because whenever she appears on TV or in the paper, it’s a reminder of how pathetic the American anti-war movement has become. This movement used to be led by youthful men with long hair and beards, bare-breasted women, intellectuals, poets, artists and some of the best musicians the world has ever seen. And now? In 2007, four years into one of the most questionable and corrupt wars ever, the face of the anti-war movement is a 50-year-old mom with a mom haircut and mom jeans. At a time when the ground couldn’t be more fertile for a mass movement to end a war, there is nothing. No youth, no art, no music and no breasts. One can only hope, now that the anti-war cause will no longer be defined by a mom, there will be room for a real movement.
The Chinese community of Tucson, Arizona is up in arms over the ad fliers used by Eggrolls Etc., a Chinese takeout restaurant in the U.S. city. The flier, which contains the restaurant’s menu, reads as follows: “Every order is delivered via rickshaw by first generation Chinese immigrants… We really should charge more for delivery, old Chinamen are getting expensive these days.” God, that’s bad. Mike Reynolds, the restaurant’s owner/awesome comedian who printed the flier refused to speak with the media over the weekend, as did his employees. The menu that was packaged with the advertisement contained even more racist language. In the fried rice section of the menu, the blurb on top of the items says, “Don’t say Flied Lice, it’s not funny; there’s no ‘R’ sound in Chinese, that’s just cruel really; I know your (sic) saying it; Stop it Stop it Stop it! That’s it. NO RICE FOR YOU!!!” I think Mr. Reynolds should be forced to remove the “it’s not funny” line as it is clear he has no concept of what is funny. His flier certainly isn’t. And Jason Wong, president of the Tucson Chinese Association agrees with me. “When you employ humor,” said Wong, “you start to desensitize and legitimize racist language.” Four Asian-American groups in the area (including Wong’s) plus the YWCA and Chicanos Por La Causa have written and hand-delivered letters to the restaurants demanding a removal of the flier. I guess the Chicanos Por La Causa really are for any old cause. There are currently 19,000 Chinese-Americans living in the Tucson area, and while a small population, the Chinese have a long history in Arizona reaching back to the early 1800s. While Eggrolls Etc. is guilty of using racist language in its menu, it’s this unfunny brand of racist humor that really gets my rice steamed. And what’s more and particularly offensive, Eggrolls Etc. is in violation of a little something regulated by the U.S. Federal Trade Commission called “false advertising.” I had a Tucson-based Flumesday investigative reporter order an eggroll and some “etc.” from the restaurant in question. If you’re wondering what the “etc.” was, it was moo shu pork with extra pancakes and a hot and sour soup. And not only was the food not delivered in a rickshaw, like the flier claimed it would be, the delivery boy wasn’t even an “old Chinaman.” He was a young Taiwanese guy in a Honda Civic. Turns out Mr. Reynolds doesn’t even own a rickshaw.
Major League Baseball reported on its website Saturday that it is in the final stages of planning to send two teams to Asia to kick off the 2008 season. The frontrunners to represent America’s pastime in Asia are the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. According to the current plan, the teams would travel to China in March to play exhibition games there (please say it’s Shanghai) and then open the regular season with one or two games in Japan. The Yankees have two Japanese players on their roster, Hideki Matsui (pictured) and Kei Igawa, while the Sox have Daisuke Matsuzaka and Hideki Okajima. The Yankees also have baseball’s only Chinese player, albeit Taiwanese, in Chien-Ming Wang. Representatives from the Yankees traveled to China in January in order to establish a relationship with the Chinese Baseball Association and explore new ways to market the Yankees brand in the mainland. Howard Rubinstein, spokesman for Yankees owner George Steinbrenner told MLB.com, “There’s a tremendous audience out there.” Not in China there isn’t. Rubinstein went on to say, “With all of the players coming out of Asia, and the Yankees brand is the best in the world, the organization does have interest.” As well as the Yankees and Red Sox, the Los Angeles Dodgers and San Diego Padres are also candidates to make the trip.
At a U.S. Congress Foreign Affairs Committee hearing Tuesday, California Representative Dana Rohrabacher referred to China as “the Frankenstein that now threatens us.” The Republican was alluding to America’s consistent economic relationship that, in his words, has created a monster. Lawmakers and cabinet members convened on Capitol Hill for the purpose of discussing China’s military buildup and whether or not China has made an effort to abide by international law and human rights standards leading up to the 2008 Olympic Games. The AP reported Wednesday that U.S. congressmen blasted China on numerous issues such as its anti-satellite test, forced abortion policy, executions and Beijing’s repatriation of North Korean refugees. Defending China was Deputy Secretary of State John Negroponte who continually highlighted China’s willingness to address the concerns of the global community. Negroponte said Tuesday in reference to the Chinese government, “They are capable of shifting. They are changing.” Sitting behind Negroponte were 3 students wearing t-shirts that said, “Genocide Olympics,” a jab at China’s support of the Sudanese government in spite of the Darfur crisis. This left me wondering two things. First, where can I get one of these t-shirts? And second, isn’t all of this talk about whether China is suitable host for the Olympics a little belated? Beijing was elected host city six years ago. Surely, congressmen in the States, and presidential candidates in France and human rights groups had ample time before the bids and six years after Beijing won election to voice their concerns over China as a host. I’m not saying these concerns are not valid. Actually, I’m saying they are valid. But it’s the eleventh hour. These concerns should have been addressed in hours two or three. It becomes clear as activists pop up threatening boycotts and demanding sweeping political change in the year between now and the Olympics that perhaps nobody really understood China and the way it does things when it was selected as the host. Perhaps Beijing wasn’t the best choice. But it makes no difference now. While China should and probably will act on Darfur, the world cannot expect everything that makes China what it is will change before we let the games begin.
Finally, the world’s tallest man and the world’s tallest pagoda can be found in the same place. Tuesday, hundreds of monks gathered at the site of the Tianning Pagoda in the east China city of Changzhou to inaugurate what Chinese officials are calling the tallest pagoda in the world. While the Chinese penis insecurity jokes are simply too easy and somewhat cruel, I will just discuss the characteristics of the pagoda itself and refrain from making any claims about why the Chinese like building structures so tall. So, the pagoda is 510 feet long and there is a large spherical bell that sits on top. When the bulbous tip of the pagoda is made to vibrate, it emits a sound that can be heard anywhere within a three-mile radius, according to Xinhua. Interestingly, the pagoda hasn’t always been so big. Throughout history the pagoda has gone down frequently only to come back up bigger and stronger. Xinhua reported that the Tianning Pagoda has been brought down and erected again five times in the last 1,350 years. China’s Buddhists hope that the opening of the Tianning Pagoda will bring new life to their religion in China and represent the glory they feel is owed to Buddha. Nearly a thousand Buddhists attended the ceremony Tuesday, though it is unclear, in a nation of supressed religious activity, whether these were followers or mere onlookers. China’s monks, looking for a Buddhist revival in China, certainly hope that those on-hand for the ceremony were devotees who will come more than just once.
The Chicago-born R&B legend known for his soulful sound and carnal lyrics is back in the news. And this time it’s not for having sex with and/or urinating on underage girls. It’s for charity. R. Kelly, responsible for hits like “Sex Me,” “Bump n’ Grind,” “Feelin’ on Yo Booty,” and “Kickin’ It With Your Girlfriend” has scripted a tribute song to the victims of the April 16 Virginia Tech massacre. The track is called “Rise Up,” a title that makes me wonder whether R. is singing about healing and grief after a tragedy or well…his penis. Because R. Kelly never seemed like the most charitable of people, unless you consider donating his own liquid waste matter as charity. He has made a career out of singing about sex, that’s all, and “Rise Up” just seems like it could have been a song he has had on reserve for a while. But anyway, R.’s label, Jive Records, told the press that while the singer was on tour, he was so moved by the television coverage of the Virginia Tech shootings, that he was moved to write a song. It has not yet been confirmed whether the balladeer kicked the two 14-year-old girls out of his tour bus before putting pen to paper. A snippet of the new track is available on R.’s MySpace page which, by the way, is worth checking out. His “Friend Space” should be titled “R. Kelly’s Scantily Clad African-American Female Space.” My favorites are “Bambi Brown” and “I’m the Truth.” The full single will be released for download on May 15 and all the proceeds will go to the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund. R.’s new album, Double Up drops on May 29. Hopefully R. won’t be dropping anything in the near future other than this album.