While LeBron might be “King James” in Cleveland and Richard Hamilton goes by “Rip” in Detroit, China has its own way of nicknaming the NBA’s elite players. Last week, the NBA released an interesting list of NBA players and how they are called in the Middle Kingdom. While some of these monikers, namely “German Racecar” and “French Magician,” seem completely strange, most of the names do capture the essence of the player (like “Stone Buddha” for Tim Duncan). So the next time you find yourself watching an NBA game with a Mandarin speaker, and for most of you this will never happen, maybe you can try one of these out. For instance the next time Carmelo Anthony throws a cheap shot during a game, tell your Chinese friend, “Hey, Sweet Melon fights like a bitch.”

Player	Chinese Nickname	Translation	NBA.com Explanation
LeBron James	小皇帝 Xiao Huang Di	Little Emperor	Direct translation of English nickname "King James"
Dirk Nowitzki	德国战车 De Guo Zhan Che	German Racecar	Dirk’s ability to roll on court like a racecar. And he is a player from Germany.
Carmelo Anthony	甜瓜 Tian Gua	Sweet Melon	The nickname "’Melo" resembles "Melon." "Sweet Melon" refers to Carmelo’s sweet and cute appearance
Richard Hamilton	面具人 Mian Ju Ren	Man in the Mask	Hamilton’s habit of wearing a mask on court
Shaquille O’Neal	俠客 Xia Ke	Warrior	"Xia Ke" means righteous and respectful warriors in ancient China
Kevin Garnett	狼王 Lang Wang	King of the Wolves	Meaning leader of the Timberwolves
Vince Carter	飞人 Fei Ren	Flying Man	Carter’s ability to leap and make amazing dunks
Boris Diaw	法国魔术 Fa Guo Mo Shu Shi	French Magician	Diaw’s ability to play basketball as if playing magic. And he is a player from France.
Tim Duncan	石佛 Shi Fo	Stone Buddha	Duncan is very strong and calm just like the Buddha.
Emanuel Ginobili	关键先生 A Gan Ting Fei Ren	Argentina’s Flying Man	Ginobili’s ability to jump. And he is a player from Argentina

•NBA.com: Chinese Nicknames for NBA Players

Thursday, Phoenix Television, the Hong Kong-based broadcaster, will debut China’s first gay television program on its website. The weekly internet program is called “Tongxing Xianglian,” or as it is translated in English, “Connecting Homosexuals.” Personally, I think “Queer Eye for the Chinese Guy” would have been better. Producer Gang Gang (yeah, that’s his name) told the AP, “there are many people in China’s gay community, but people don’t have a deep enough understanding about this community. This community faces a lot of trouble and difficulties. They face a lot of pressure.” The show will be hosted by openly gay AIDS activist Didier Zhang who currently works for the Chi Heng Foundation which promotes AIDS awareness and cares for orphans with the disease. According to Gang Gang, the show will explore homosexuality from all angles: political, legal, parental, psychological and social. He also notes that the program will feature a “friend-finding” segment. Uh, “friend-finding?” That’s kinda like people on Craigslist’s Casual Encounters saying they are “networking.” Phoenix TV, known for its particularly strong relationship with the Mainland government, does not expect to face any censorship issues.

•AP: Chinese Web Site to Launch Show on Gay Issues with Gay Host

China has a special way of scheduling really fun-sounding events that make me really excited, so excited that I actually plan on going to them, and then cancelling them really suddenly. It’s all part of the “fun.” Sports Illustrated’s Peter King reported Sunday, citing unidentifiable sources, that the China Bowl, a scheduled NFL exhibition game to be played in Beijing on August 7th, has been cancelled. The NFL declined to comment on the SI report and a spokesman from the New England Patriots, scheduled to play the Seattle Seahawks in the game, told the AP, “Any announcement would be a league announcement.” According to the AP, SI.com reported that the NFL has promised a Beijing exhibition game in 2009 in the Olympic stadium that is currently being built. Peter King wrote on SI.com:

The reason for putting off the China Bowl, according to those familiar with the league’s thinking, is twofold. The NFL is devoting tremendous manpower to the first regular-season game ever played outside North America– Miami and the New York Giants will play Oct. 28 in London– and the league doesn’t want to risk cutting corners on either of the massive projects in order to stage both games 11 weeks apart. And though the Chinese would have put on a fine show this summer, doing it with more preparation time two years later– particularly in a stadium that critics are already saying will be the finest outdoor sports venue in the world– fits more into the NFL’s vision of what its China debut should be.

When I run this text through my bullshit filter it comes out as this: “NFL was unhappy with the event planning and with 4 months to go, was terrified about bringing two teams, its own staff and press to Beijing. League feels much safer with London than Beijing.” An NFL game this summer in Beijing would have brought throngs of Americans to Beijing for the weekend who would have paid American prices for tickets, food and hotels. This appeals to the Chinese government. But unfortunately, and we’ll find out for sure in the next few days, it appears that China couldn’t give the NFL an American-style peace of mind.

•SI.com: Preseason Game in China Will Be Called Off

Last week I wrote about a major French presidential candidate who suggested that France boycott the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games in protest of China’s policy regarding Sudan. Many Darfur activists view China’s financial and diplomatic ties with the Khartoum government as enabling the genocide in Darfur. In a Wednesday Wall Street Journal editorial, actress and UNICEF goodwill ambassador Mia Farrow accused China of “bankrolling Darfur’s genocide.” Thursday, China responded to the growing campaign to use the Olympics as leverage to end the Darfur crisis. Foreign Ministry spokesman Qin Gang said, “We don’t think it’s appropriate to connect the Darfur issue with the Olympic Games in Beijing. People who try to connect the Darfur issue with the Olympics in an attempt to win ballots or increase their reputation are totally wrong on that scheme.” Qin reinforced China’s commitment to humanitarian efforts in Darfur and added, “We are confident we will hold a successful and high-quality Olympic Games.” Wouldn’t this be ultimate pie in China’s face if after years of planning and hyping these 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, a group of Western nations did not show up to compete? If after years of meticulous logistical tweaking, it was actually China’s politics that unhinged the Beijing games. Qin told reporters he did not know who Mia Farrow was and that he did not read the Wall Street Journal editorial. Not shocked on either count. The guys in China’s Foreign Ministry don’t strike me as big fans of the Woody Allen films of the 80s and early 90s.

•AP: Calls to Use Beijing Games to Pressure China on Sudan
•Xinhua: China Blasts Attempts to Link Olympics to Darfur Issue

As Jews around the world prepare for the Passover holiday next week, the chosen people will not only have to forego bread, wheat, rye and all that is leavened. This week, a pro-cannabis advocacy group has added one more item to the unkosher list. Israel’s Green Leaf Party announced Wednesday that in accordance with rabbinical law, Jews would have to quit smoking marijuana for the week of Passover observance. The cannabis plant falls into the kitnyot group of foods that includes peas, corn, beans and rice which Ashkenazic Jews, or Jews of Eastern European descent, refuse to eat during Passover. Michelle Levin (I think I know 4 of those) of the Green Leaf Party said of the pot ban, “Logic dictates that if the rabbis say cannabis is non-kosher for Passover, it is apparently kosher during the rest of the year.” Sounds like pothead logic, but sure. The deeper question is why, in other religions, do the clergymen not have to issue rulings on whether marijuana is acceptable to use during their holy days like Easter and Ramadan? Are there that many Jewish stoners out there? The answer is yes, but the question should be why. Of course, stereotypes have no place on this site, but let’s imagine that Jews were actually like what people who have never met a Jew think they are like. If these stereotypes were true, which again, they’re not, then marijuana is the perfect drug for the stereotypical Jew. For instance, if you’re a Jewish smoker, you have to spend money to buy the pot. Also, the drug enables you to eat more in the event that a mother or a grandmother confuses food for love and shovels more brisket onto your plate after you’re already full. And most of all, in a culture full of gossip, nagging and a wide array of neuroses, pot helps you not care so much about everything around you. Marijuana counteracts pretty much every Jewish stereotype. So to all of my Jewish Flumesday readers who will be giving up bread and pot next week, I wish you well. And if you’re nervous, think about this: when matzah is the only cure for the munchies, what’s the fun in smoking?

•Reuters: No Hash Matzos?

Congratulations to the world’s tallest man Bao Xishun on finding a wife. The 7 foot 9 inch herdsman married 5 foot 6 inch Xia Shujian Monday in his hometown of Chifeng. Bao’s 28-year-old shorty is half his age. She looks about four years old in this photograph. The last we heard of Bao, it was December and he was sticking his arm down the throat of a dolphin that had a piece of plastic lodged in its throat. Bao underwent an inexplicable growth spurt at the age of 16, growing over 2 feet in 7 years. Bao is recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records as the tallest living human. I’m not sure whether or not Bao is capable of having children, or whether his wife is actually capable of, you know, handling that, but it will be interesting to see what comes out if and when the time comes. Bao was so desperate for a wife, he posted ads all over the world for a wife. His new wife happens to be from Bao’s hometown. Bao plans on sticking with being a super tall herdsman and will continue to make public appearances as “the world’s tallest man.” Bao is 2 millimeters taller than the previous record holder.

•AFP: World’s Tallest Man Finds Other Half

It was either China’s worst nightmare or the censorship officials just don’t care anymore. A “Legalize It” flag with a marijuana leaf was unfurled minutes before showtime and was waved by front-row fans from start until finish. Various types of smoke rose to the ceiling, visible to the crowd when it hit the spotlight beams. A Chinese girl sat perched atop her expat boyfriend’s shoulders. The men’s bathroom reeked of pot. And centerstage, there was a dread-swingin’, reggae-singin’ Rasta yelling for freedom, for justice and for love.

Ziggy Marley, minus the Melody Makers, gave a jammin’ performance Tuesday night at the Yun Feng Theater in Shanghai. The eldest son of roots reggae legend Bob Marley had the 1,300 or so onlookers on their feet for a two and a half hour mix of his own songs and his father’s classics. Ziggy began with “Shalom Salaam,” off his 2003 album Dragonfly, his first album without the Melody Makers. After the first four smacks of the snare drum, the entire crowd was on its feet, filled the aisles and danced (as best they could) to the Marley reggae sound.

The Yun Feng Theater feels more like a high school auditorium than a venue worthy of hosting a four-time Grammy winner. The seats are small, the foyer is drab and communist, and the sound is poor. But the Yun Feng, a post-Mao theater formerly used for military performances and acrobats, succeeded in providing a cozy setting for Shanghai’s music fans and serves as a welcome alternative to Shanghai’s impersonal arena shows.

Marley, who played Beijing the night before, toured in support of his latest album Love Is My Religion (2006), which won the 2007 Grammy for Best Reggae Album. Ziggy played the title track as his final song and on the final chorus, passed his microphone to audience members. The singer drew from his entire catalog playing “Conscious Party” and “Tomorrow People” from his breakthrough 1988 Melody Makers album Conscious Party as well as a number of songs from the 90s.

But the highlights of the show, as can be expected, were Ziggy’s renditions of his father’s legendary tunes. And while Ziggy’s music is well-crafted and hits on the same spiritual and political concepts that his father’s music did, it’s Bob’s music that people came to hear. Ziggy played “Get Up Stand Up,” “Is This Love,” “Jamming” and kicked off his encore with a rendition of “No Woman, No Cry.”

There’s a big shadow hanging over Ziggy Marley. His career in music has been half his own artistic accomplishments and half the world’s fascination with his father’s music. Ziggy seems okay with the fact that his father’s songs draw the loudest applause and that most of Tuesday’s crowd probably couldn’t name a single one of his original songs. Despite this, Ziggy gave Shanghai a spirited concert, showcasing his own talent and honoring his dad’s. He had the entire theater on its feet from start to finish, and showed a city desperately trying to establish a music scene, what roots reggae is all about.

•YouTube: ‘Love Is My Religion’ Music Video
•Shanghai Daily: Reggae’s Favorite Son In Concert 3/19/07
•Flumesday.com: Top 10 Most Disappointing Rock Offspring

The people at America’s #2 fast food restaurant Burger King have announced that they will begin buying eggs and pork from suppliers who do not cage their animals. Burger King currently purchases 10% of its pork from cage-free suppliers and vows to double this percentage by the end of the year. For those concerned about Burger King altering the Whopper or any of their beef products, have no fear, the hamburgers will still be “flame-broiled” and will still have those silly lines on the patty to illustrate that they are “flame-broiled.” Also, Burger King announced that 2% of its eggs, like the ones used on those delicious Croissan’wiches, will be supplied from hens who have not been caged. And the icing on the cake: Burger King will favor suppliers that use gas or “controlled-atmospheric stunning” rather than electric shock to knock the birds out before slaughter. The move comes after 6 years of dialogue with the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals regarding Burger King’s treatment of animals in factory farms and slaughterhouses. In 2001, PETA launched its “Murder King” campaign which aimed to expose Burger King’s unethical treatment of animals. In a press release issued by PETA on Wednesday, the animal rights group said that BK’s new plan “places it at the forefront of the fast-food industry with regard to animal welfare.” Really? PETA’s getting kind of soft I think. Isn’t this the group that used to throw animal carcasses at old rich ladies wearing fur coats at the opera? PETA should be concerned with the slaughtering of the animals, not how the animals are treated before they’re slaughtered. And we, the American consumers, should not be expected to make any consumption decisions based on these empty policies. Do you think an American truck driver who is going to eat a double Whopper with cheese, add bacon, will care at all whether or not the bacon came from a caged pig or an uncaged pig? People that care about these issues are not people that eat at Burger King to begin with. Who cares whether the pig was gassed or shocked or bitch-slapped before it gets slaughtered? The slaughtering part is the mean part. So the next time your buddy nudges you in the car and asks “McDonalds or Burger King,” and believe me this can be tough sometimes, just ask yourself whether you want a McDonalds burger that’s fried and is made to taste “their way” or a flame-broiled burger made to taste more like a backyard barbecue that you can have your way, right away.

•AP: Burger King Going Cage Free
•Burger King Ad: Talking to Self (1986)

Monday marked the start of the 500-day countdown until the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. Which means there are 500 days until the Olympic torch is lit. 500 days until all Beijing’s cab drivers speak English. 500 days until all of the city’s undesirables– homeless, migrants, crazies– will magically disappear. 500 days until the city’s nasty air suddenly becomes fresh. 500 days until spitting and line-cutting are things of the past in Beijing. 500 days until the city’s horrendous traffic finally clears. 500 days until the construction of 31, yes 31, new Olympic venues is completed. And 500 days for the city’s 15 million people to brace themselves for what I predict will be the hottest, most hectic, congested and polluted 17 days China’s capital has ever seen. Not that I’m an eternal pessimist. But I’ve been to Beijing, and really, I cannot imagine how it could be any different. That town’s a mess. On the bright side, the Olympic medals look pretty cool. To commemorate 500 days before the 2008 Games, or more precisely, 499 days before the 2008 Games, Tuesday the Organizing Committee unveiled the new Olympic medals. The medals are made of gold and jade which, in China, symbolize nobility and honor. They are 70mm in diameter and 6mm in thickness. Hard. The Beijing medals are the first Olympic medal to have jade in them. For me, Monday’s milestone means I have 500 days in which it is acceptable to wrap myself in “Old Glory” and parade around China chanting “U-S-A, U-S-A,” come on, I can’t hear you, “U-S-A, U-S-A!”

•China Daily: Victory Medals of Beijing Olympic Games Unveiled

Researchers in southern China are working long and hard trying to solve one of science’s great mysteries. No, not time travel. And not the phenomenon of Shanghainese people puking on the street all the time. Although I’m waiting for someone to solve that mystery. Researchers at the Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base in Sichuan province are trying to figure out how to turn panda shit into paper. According to an AP story Tuesday, the researchers learned on a trip to Thailand that there exists paper there made from elephant dung. And surely if the Thais can make paper from elephant shit, the Chinese can figure out a way to do the same using panda poo. Liao Jun, one of the Chengdu panda specialists, believes that the fiber-rich panda dookie would actually make a “finer-quality paper” than that made from elephant excrement. So I’m sure you’re thinking “how do you make paper out of crap?” Well according to the AP, making shit paper involves “a daylong process of cleaning the feces, boiling it in a soda solution, bleaching it with chlorine and drying it under the sun.” I wonder, how exactly does one clean a piece of feces? The boiling, bleaching and drying I get, but it’s the first part I have trouble with. Cleaning feces? The panda reserve is currently in talks with paper mills who are interested in converting the bear turds into reams of office paper and rolls of wrapping paper. A panda shit paper product line is due sometime next year. It has yet to be discussed whether or not there will be a scratch ‘n’ sniff paper product for kids.

•AP: Panda Poop to Do Double Duty in China