A New Jersey Court ruled Wednesday that homosexuals are entitled to the same marriage rights as the state’s heterosexual couples. While the Dirty Jerz’s State Supreme Court ruled 4-3 that barring homosexuals from marriage was unconstitutional, the judicial body, in its decision told state lawmakers, “Eh, youz guys decide if da unions will be legal marriages or just civil unions.” The lack of a definitive moral judgment left both gay activists and conservative groups saying, “Eh, what the fuck!” One Montclair lesbian said the decision gave her only 80% of what she had hoped for, but acknowledged that this clearly is more of a victory for gay rights. Depending on how lawmakers vote, Jersey could join Massachusetts as the only state with legalized gay marriage or follow Connecticut and Vermont as states allowing civil unions. Either way, New Jersey Republicans want to say “forget about it” to the prospect of gay marriage in the Garden State. Conservative lawmakers plan on enacting a constitutional amendment banning gay unions. Sadly, Vito Spatafore, a gay New Jerseyan who fled his home state and took up with a short-order chef/fireman called Johnny Cakes, did not live long enough to see Wednesday’s decision. Spatafore, as reported in a local Jersey newspaper, was brutally murdered last year by two mobsters who took exception to his lifestyle.
•Star-Ledger: Court Expands Gay Rights