The second coming of “Jackass” earned $28.1 million this weekend outgrossing all of its competition. Johnny Knoxville, Steve-o and the rest of the misfits proved yet again that nobody cares at all these days about movie critics. These reviewers are so out of touch with what the movie-goer, especially younger ones, want to see when they go to the movies. While “Jackass Two” got belittled by the middle-aged media, all week, even in China, all anyone heard about was “All The King’s Men” starring Sean Penn. According to all Monday’s reports, that movie sucks and nobody went to see it. So what do people want to see? A 400-pound woman doing a belly-flop on a midget? Or, a 400-pound Roger Ebert talking about it?
•L.A. Times: Top Grosser
•SF Chronicle Review
Any news about Axl Rose these days seems to be bad news. The former front man for Guns N’ Roses was just slapped with a 1.15 million lawsuit for reneging on a deal to buy a Andy Warhol portrait of John Lennon. Reportedly, Rose paid 1.21 million of the 2.36 million he agreed to pay and refuses to pay the remainder. Apparently Axl doesn’t have the money to pay the amount which doesn’t strike me as odd considering he hasn’t released any new material in forever and he’s alienated anyone that could potentially help him launch a comeback. Axl has promised the release of a new Guns album, Chinese Democracy, for almost 10 years now, but like actual Chinese democracy, we are still waiting.
A Beijing survey released Thursday revealed that men living in China’s cities are getting fat. The government-sponsored survey, run by 10 separate organizations, found that 1 out of 10 men in urban areas are obese, up 1.3% percent from 2000. For boys, 1 out of 8 are obese, a 1.7% rise since 2000 (big whoop). In a country that is historically short and skinny, the new fatness in China worries doctors and government officials. An education official blamed the increase on changes in the traditional Chinese diet and a more sedentary lifestyle. In laymen’s terms, the absurd number of KFCs and the Playstation PSP. Honest to god, there are 3 KFCs within 50 yards of my office and they are all jam-packed during lunch. The health survey found that schoolchildren also experienced greaters problems with stamina, eyesight and blood-pressure. The government plans on implementing more rigid physical education in the schools to combat the growing obesity among Chinese youth. What’s funny is how serious China believes its obesity problem is. As someone who lives in a major Chinese city, I think I may be the fattest person here. I mean yeah, there are some fat Chinese kids, but they’re cute and smiley. I think when examining the extent of China’s obesity “pandemic” (so annoying when this term is used for fat people), government officials should take a field trip to a American amusement park, preferably in the Midwest, and observe a real obesity problem. They should go to the bridge where the fat families in their oversized, drenched t-shirts wait for the boat to hit the water so they can get splashed again. Then, China’s obesity problem will seem about as big as Chinese people seem to me.
Wednesday morning’s Thai coup succeeded in overthrowing the government of Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra without any violence or retaliation. Thailand’s top general, Sonthi Boonyaratglin, declared himself the country’s interim leader until civilian rule is restored. Sonthi ordered 20 tanks to be rolled into Bangkok to block off the Royal Palace, army headquarters, Thaksin’s office and most importantly, for effect. What’s a coup d’etat with no tanks? Thaksin, who was in New York for the U.N. General Assembly meeting, will be allowed to return to Thailand though not as P.M. Thaksin has become widely unpopular for abusing his powers as P.M. to enhance his multi-billion-dollar media fortune. King Bhumibol Adulyadej, the longest reigning monarch in the world, gave his blessing to the military takeover and endorses the interim military rule. Thailand, a country that seemed to be turning a corner with regard to its economy and historically fragile political scene, now faces the challenge of restoring order to its streets and repairing a damaged reputation. The ensuing chaos from the coup appears to have caused some Thais post-traumatic stress. A Flumesday reporter witnessed numerous Bangkok locals repeating the same English words. When asked about the coup, one taxi driver replied, “sex show, ping-pong.” And a female small-business owner was only able to mutter the phrase, “Massagey, boom-boom,” over and over again. In this time of turmoil, I only hope the Thai people can rebound.
Over the weekend, an epic prank was pulled off in one of China’s most revered and protected sites–the burial ground of the 
In Israel over the weekend, Simon Glassberg reunited with his sister, Hilda Shlick after 65 years of separation. Both were forced to relocate when Germany invaded their birthplace of Romania in 1941. Glassberg, 80, moved to Canada after the war and Shlick, 75, moved to Israel. Each thought the other had not survived the war. Glassberg said to the press he “could not stop kissing his sister” and both were visibly emotional. Coincidentally, this story broke the same day Iranian president and outspoken Holocaust denier, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, addressed the U.N. This is my question for Mr. Ahmadinejad and anyone else who denies the Holocaust: Mahmoud, do you think the brother and sister in the photo above are faking it? Are they just two aged actors hired to stage a reunion? You would have to be crazy to think such a thing.
On Monday morning in Washington D.C., a armed man broke down U.S. Capitol security and stormed the building. Carlos Greene, 20, rammed his S.U.V. into a construction barracade, ran up the stairs and into the building where he proceeded to give himself the solo, high-speed crackhead tour of the Capitol. Oh yeah, I forgot. Greene was not only armed, he was also in possession and under the influence of crack-cocaine. Greene was “isolated and apprehended” by Capitol police at which point he had a crack-induced seizure. You know there had to have been one class that had an interesting school trip that day. I mean when the kids went back to school and had to draw a picture of what they saw (standard post-trip activity), there were probably some kids who colored the man running wildly through the building. And then others would choose to depict the police beating this dude senseless. Or if the student were really ambitious, there’s always the armed crackhead seizing on the floor of U.S government headquarters. The Capitol is gaining a reputation among D.C.-area outlaws as a loose target. In 1998, two Capitol policemen were gunned down by a man who got past security. If a crackhead could pull this off, just imagine how devastating an organized attack would be. For the full story, hit the link.
Aged and avid stoner, Willie Nelson, was busted Monday morning by Louisiana State troopers for misdemeanor drug possession. Nelson’s tour bus was pulled over for a traffic violation when state troopers smelled pot coming from the bus. Police searched the bus and found 1 1/2 pounds of weed and 3 ounces of mushrooms. The 73-year-old country star has never made a secret of his affinity for marijuana, promoting its legalization throughout his career and using pot imagery in his recordings. The mushrooms though, geez. He’s 73! And congratulations to the trooper who made the bust. I can only imagine all of the sophisticated reconnaissance work that went in to busting Willie Nelson for pot.