Top 10 Most Damaging
Celebrity Rants
9. Jimmy the Greek
8
7. Trent Lott
6
5 4.
3. Howard Dean
2.
Tom Cruise
1.
Michael Richards
10. Mel Gibson
On
August 17, 2006 everybody's favorite holocaust-denying film star, Mel
Gibson, had a little too much to drink. Some might say that liquor
makes you someone you're not. I would say it allows you to be the
person you really are. Especially in Gibson's case.
First, he has defended his wacky father's stance that the holocaust
never happened. Then in 2004, he released "The Passion of the Christ"
which pinned the death of Christ on the Jews and
went a bit overboard in depicting the Jews as ruthless animals.
Gibson's real feeling towards the Chosen People became crystal clear.
On the night in question, Gibson got sloshed at
a Malibu bar, flagrantly disobeyed the speed limit and sipped on an open
bottle of tequila while weaving his way
home, and finally was picked up by a highway
patrolman. Gibson resisted arrest, was thrown into a patrol car and
then, according to a police report, yelled, "You motherfucker, I'm going to fuck you!" And then the
bad part. "Fucking Jews," Gibson screamed, "Jews are responsible for
all the wars in the world! Are you a fucking Jew?" And oddly
enough, the arresting officer, L.A. Sheriff's Deputy James Mee was a
"fucking Jew." A Jewish highway cop? Gibson proceeded to call
the female officer who booked him "sugar tits" and was released on bail.
Needless to say, there was a massive Hollywood backlash and
his planned miniseries on the Holocaust was promptly cancelled by ABC.
As a somewhat recent rant, it remains to be seen whether Gibson will be able
to resurrect his career.
The
most gambling-oriented sports commentator of all time, Jimmy "the Greek"
Snyder became famous for his loose lips. Born
Dimetrios Georgos Synodinos, Jimmy made his name as a Las Vegas
bookmaker. When CBS hired him for NFL commentary, viewers questioned
the network's decision to incorporate gambling into the weekend broadcast,
but Snyder became a hit and worked on "The NFL Today" for 12 years.
In January 1988, Snyder uttered the words that would not only get him fired,
but define his entire career. He claimed black athletes were "bred
to be the better athlete because, this goes all the way to the Civil War
when the slave owner would breed his big black with his big woman so that he
would have a big black kid—that's where it all started."
Snyder never broadcast again and, in 1996, died of a heart attack in Las
Vegas..
At
just 20 years of age, Fiona Apple was a Grammy-winning singer with an album
that would eventually go triple platinum. Apple's hit debut album
"Tidal" produced multiple hit songs and in 1997, earned her the MTV Best New
Artist award. She was young and famous and beautiful. It sounds
perfect. And it was until Fiona had to run
her mouth while accepting the award. Apple got up on stage and said
the following: "I didn't prepare a speech and I'm sorry, but I'm glad that I
didn't, because I'm not going to do this like everybody else does it. You
see, Maya Angelou said that we, we as human beings at our best can only
create opportunities and I'm going to use this opportunity the way that I wanna use it. So what I wanna say is, everybody out there that's watching,
everybody that's watching this world, this world is bullshit and you
shouldn't model your life - wait a second! - You shouldn't model your life
about what you think we think is cool and what we're wearing and what we're
saying and everything. Go with yourself. And it's just stupid that I'm in
this world, but you're all very cool to me." Oh gee thanks Fiona, such
sound advice from a 20-year-old. I guess we have to believe you since
you quoted Maya Angelou. I promise to "go with myself" if you promise
to shut up. And she actually kinda did shut up after that. Her
following two albums did progressively worse and her last album was
submitted to Sony in 2003 and tabled for 2 years until it was finally
released last year.
In
2002, Trent Lott, the Republican Senate majority leader, gave a speech at Strom
Thurmond's 100th birthday party. Lott said this: "I want
to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted
for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our
lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years, either."
Sounds really complimentary of old Strom. Except for a couple things.
First, when Thurmond ran for president, back in 1948, he ran as a Dixiecrat,
a states rights guy, a major proponent of racial segregation. And "we
wouldn't have all these problems" had we elected Thurmond? Racist alert!
Racist Alert! Lott resigned as Republican leader two weeks after his
rant. Lott, while still a Senator, has remained unusually quiet since.
The
#6 Most Damaging Rant took place in 1987 on Ted Koppel's "Nightline" when
Al Campanis, the Los Angeles Dodger general manager, was interviewed about the 40th
anniversary of Jackie Robinson breaking baseball's color barrier. When
asked why there were so few African-American managers and no black general
managers in baseball, Campanis replied that they "may not have some of the
necessities to be, let's say, a field manager, or, perhaps, a general
manager." Elsewhere in the interview Campanis told Koppel that black
people couldn't swim because "they don't have the buoyancy." Bad one.
The Dodgers forced him to resign two days later. Campanis joins Jimmy
Snyder as the only two Greeks on the list.
In
1999, relief
pitcher John Rocker was at the top of his game. At 25 years old, he was
pitching against the New York Yankees in the World Series. The
following year, it all began to unravel. All because Rocker couldn't
shut his pie hole. Talking to "Sports Illustrated" about New York City,
Rocker said, "It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to
take the 7 Train to the ballpark, looking like you're riding through Beirut
next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next
to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to
some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing." While the kid
with purple hair and the 20-year-old mom with four kids are still riding the
train, Rocker is no longer pitching. Rocker left baseball in 2003 and
after a weak comeback attempt, has settled in to being a non-baseball-playing
racist. Seriously. He has recently launched his "Speak English"
campaign, an effort to protect the English language and American traditions.
Rocker's rant was the the only rant on the list that gets the "hate-trick"
That is, he fit racism, sexism and homophobia into one rant.
The
Dixie Chicks were sitting on top of the country music world in the 90s.
Their 1998 album "Wide Open Spaces" had three #1 songs and became one of the
50 best-selling albums in American history. Their follow-up album was
massive as well, giving the Chicks 2 consecutive albums that sold over 10
million copies. Not too shabby. However, everything would change
for the Texas trio when lead singer Natalie Maines popped off at a 2003
London concert. Between songs, Maines told the crowd, "Just so
you know, we're ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas."
The statement was made in reference to the U.S. preparation for the invasion
of Iraq.
While for someone like me who doesn't listen to her or really any other country
music, it seemed like a cool thing to say. But unfortunately, the
people who buy her records tend to be conservative, Bush-loving America
enthusiasts. And the Dixies found this out when fans back home
bulldozed their CDs, radio stations banned their music and concert sponsors
pulled out of deals. The Chicks laid low for a few years after the
damage had been done. They began a tour in July 2006 but had to cancel
many shows due to poor ticket sales. Currently, their rant and the
aftermath have been documented in a film called, "Shut Up and Sing."
WE
STARTED WITH MEL GIBSON! THEN JIMMY THE GREEK! AND FIONA APPLE, AND TRENT LOTT,
AND AL CAMPANIS, AND JOHN ROCKER!!! THEN THE DIXIE CHICKS AND NOW
HOWARD DEAN! BYAAAAHH!!!! Vermont Governor Howard Dean was in
line to be the Democratic nominee to unseat incumbent George Bush in 2004. And then
he freaked everyone out with a rant so frenetic that it
instantly dashed his presidential hopes. On January 19, 2004 Dean
finished a disappointing third in the Iowa caucus. In an attempt to
psyche his followers up at a post-caucus rally, Dean went apeshit. He
screamed, "Not only are we going to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin, we're going
to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico,
and we're going to California and Texas and New York …And we're going to
South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then we're going to
Washington, D.C., to take back the White House! Byaaah!!!" With a 30%
lead in the New Hampshire primary opinion polls a week before the caucus,
Dean lost in New Hampshire and dropped out of the election. That's
damaging. Wherever Howard Dean goes in his political future, the "I
Have a Scream Speech" will follow.
It's an all too common occurrence. A pretty actor who has
done the same thing for years wakes up one morning and decides that he's not gonna be an actor anymore. He wants to be an asshole. An asshole
who will champion an issue that nobody much cares about. And that's
what happened to Tom Cruise. He used a June 24, 2005 appearance on the
"Today Show" to rant about his opposition to prescription drugs and
psychiatry, a branch of medicine Cruise once called a
"Nazi science." In what turned into a Scientology lecture, Cruise told
host Matt Lauer this: "Matt. Matt, Matt, you don't even-- you're glib. You
don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical
imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they
came up with these theories, Matt, okay? That's what I've done."
First of all, Tom, the cheapest tactic in an argument is to claim expertise
in an area (such as psychiatry) and accuse the other person of "not knowing."
Cruise has never demonstrated that he has any more knowledge of psychiatry
than my Chinese maid. Second of all, shut the fuck up. Do your
movies and keep your conspiracy theories to yourself and your
successfully-brainwashed wife.
And
finally, the #1 Most Damaging Celebrity Rant, without question, is Michael
Richards. Last week Richards said to two black audience members, "Fifty
years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass."
He continued, "You can talk, you can
talk, you're brave now motherfucker. Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's
a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!"
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