Top 10 Most Disappointing Rock and Roll Offspring

Top 10 Most Disappointing
Rock and Roll Offspring

10. Sean Lennon
While I realize that Sean had a lot of hardships in his life, his father's death when he was 5 and Yoko as his mother, Sean's musical career has left a lot to be desired. While his debut album in 1998, "Into the Sun," was hailed by critics, the record did not achieve the popular approval that one would expect from a Beatle child. Sean has basically made a career of collaborating with other artists-- Lenny Kravitz, Jurassic 5 and his mother, Yoko Ono. Sean released a new album last month entitled "Friendly Fire" which was awarded 4 out of 5 stars in Rolling Stone. But anyone who reads Rolling Stone knows that the magazine never dares insult music royalty no matter how bad an album might be. Interestingly, Sean has dated two other rock star offspring-- Bijou Phillips, daughter of John Phillips of The Mamas and the Papas and later, Elizabeth Jagger, daughter of Mick.

9. Nelson
Looking like the Hilton sisters, this cheesy hair-metal duo hit the music scene in 1990 with the #1 hit "(I Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection." Matthew and Gunnar Nelson, the twin sons of Ricky Nelson, an American music icon and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame member, milked their family name for all it was worth and pretty much disappeared. Following their debut album, "After the Rain", Nelson's subsequent two albums were not produced by their record label. While their music did, in fact, suck, the failure of Nelson can be partially attributed to the strange musical climate of the early 90s. The early 90s was an uncomfortable transitional period in music when hair-metal suddenly gave way to alternative. This switch left platinum-blond balladeers (see photo) without any real place in the music scene. However, right when something becomes uncool in America, it usually becomes cool in Japan and this was true for Nelson who continues to find success there. As their grandparents are also famous muscians, Ozzie and Harriet Nelson, the Nelson family, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, is the only family to have 3 generations of #1 songs. This record: something to be proud of. Playing a gig at the Warner Theater in Torrington, Connecticut next week: disappointing.

8. Nona Gaye
While Nona Gaye, daughter of soul legend Marvin Gaye, does in fact have a successful acting career, her musical career has proven profoundly disappointing. Nona released a highly touted debut album at the age of 18 entitled "Love For the Future" in 1992. Despite it being the first Gaye release since her father died 8 years earlier, Nona's album sold modestly. She then joined Sheila E., Sheena Easton and Carmen Electra in the illustrious line of Prince girls. She performed and recorded with Prince for 3 years though never broke out of the background. Nona then turned to acting and has appeared in numerous movies and currently stars in "Law & Order: Something or Other." Nona joins the #10 and #1 offspring as one whose famous music parent was shot dead.

7. Jakob Dylan
It pains me to include Jakob Dylan on this list because he's the only person on the countdown whose music I listen to. Son of songwriting legend Bob Dylan, Jakob and his band The Wallflowers hit it big with the 1996 album "Bringing Down the Horse." The album sold over 4 million copies and earned Dylan's band 2 Grammys. However, after "Bringing Down the Horse" Dylan's band somewhat faded away. Their subsequent 3 albums did not achieve anything close to the level of success as their 1996 album. While Dylan has never disappointed me, the incredible fame of his father makes Jakob worthy of a spot on the list.

6. Rockwell
What a one-hit wonder. But what a hit-- "Sometimes it feels like, somebody's watching meeeeeeeee." Rockwell, born Kennedy Gordy, was the son of Motown founder Berry Gordy. The prince of Motown, Rockwell did not want to use his father's influence to establish himself. So in 1983, under the pseudonym "Rockwell", Gordy inked a record deal at Motown without his father knowing. The next year, Rockwell recorded the smash single, "Somebody's Watching Me" which featured a chorus sung by Rockwell's friend, Michael Jackson. The song hit #1 on the R&B charts and Rockwell had exactly 15 minutes of fame. Rockwell learned that without M.J., he didn't have much. His next two albums were stinkers and he was never heard from again.

5. Kelly Osbourne
This photo makes me gag. Kelly Osbourne was thrust into the limelight in 2002 with the MTV reality show "The Osbournes". Her father, Ozzy Osbourne, is world reknown for singing in the 70s metal group Black Sabbath and being completely fucking nuts. Hence, the need to follow him and his family around with cameras. Kelly, once the fat, annoying Osbourne (or was that Jack), made a leap into the music world in 2002 with her debut album "Shut Up!". Which is exactly what she should have done during the period of time she recorded the album. Despite a cheap Madonna cover, the album was a complete commercial failure and was dropped by her label. Pretty sad for the daughter of Ozzy Osbourne.

4. Carnie Wilson
Daughter of Beach Boy Brian Wilson, Carnie Wilson's musical career has been somewhat of a disappointment. Similar to Jakob Dylan, Carnie had a very strong start and was unable to achieve any long-term success. Carnie formed a group with her much prettier sister Wendy and Chynna Phillips in 1990 and released a self-titled album that sold 10 million copies and produced a #1 hit, "Hold On". Their second album flopped, the band broke up and that was pretty much it for Carnie's career in music. Unlike the other two members of the group, Carnie remained famous for other reasons. First, in 1995 she got her own talk show called Carnie!, but the show did not last. Then in 1999, the tremendously obese Wilson underwent gastric bypass surgery. And 4 years later, the newly-deflated singer posed for Playboy. Gross. Wilson got fat again and recently starred in VH1's "Celebrity Fit Club."

3. Frank Sinatra Jr.
As the Family Guy called him, "The Member of the Board" never lived up to the reputation of his famous name. Frank Jr., or the fat Frank Sinatra, has always been seen as kind of a joke. He was kidnapped at the age of 18 and released after his father paid his captors $240,000 in ransom. During the trial, the kidnappers claimed that Frank Jr. had been in cahoots with his kidnappers in an attempt to extort money from his dad. Throughout his career, Frank Jr. has constantly been compared to his dad and on all fronts, falls very short of the Chairman of the Board.

2. Lisa Marie Presley
Any daughter of "The King" who goes and marries Michael Jackson qualifies as a disappointment. I realize Lisa Marie Presley, who has had two albums reach the Billboard Top Ten, has had some moderate achievements in her short-lived music career. But you have to think about whether her commercial success has more to do with her father than with the quality of her music. But again, Lisa Marie has made more of a name for herself doing stupid things like kissing Michael Jackson in public and well, drugs.

1. Julian Lennon
And the #1 Most Disappointing Rock and Roll Offspring is Julian Lennon. The second Lennon on the list, Julian has the most striking resemblance to his famous parent than any other person on the countdown. And for looking so much like John Lennon, people came to expect Julian to write songs like John Lennon. And that he didn't. Julian's 1984 debut, and for all intents and purposes, his finale "Valotte" produced two hit songs-- the title track and "Too Late For Goodbyes," a pretty good song. But as most one or two hit wonders of the 80s, success has a strange way of turning into a drug habit. In 1991, after 4 poor albums, Julian left the music business altogether. For no fault of his own, Julian's musical career never met the expectations the world had for him. Similar to Frank Sinatra Jr. or Jakob Dylan, no matter what Julian does, it will always be compared to what his father did, which in the world of music, is impossible to match.

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