10.  A Train in Europe
 
Anyone who has traveled through Europe is familiar with this experience-- what I like to call the "Rock and Roll."  It is hard enough to maintain balance on a train using a Western toilet, much less this silver bulls-eye.  Frequently, train bathrooms do not provide any hand bars which could cause the user to get jostled and miss the target.  God forbid the train needs to make an emergency stop mid-movement.  As anyone who has ever used a train bathroom knows, the hole leads directly  to the train tracks making this experience wholly revolting.



 

9.  Turkey

Though this contraption is known as a "Turkish Toilet," it can be found all over the world.  The official name for this thing is the "squat toilet" as the user must squat, not sit, in order to move his or her bowels.  The Turkish toilet consists of a hole in the ground and two grooved foot rests.  The advantages to this type of toilet over a Western one is that they are easier to clean (though are invariably filthy), they use less water, and most important, the user avoids skin contact.  Thus, the bowel mover is less susceptible to infection, hemorrhoids or a nasty drip of piss on the seat.  As you will see later on the countdown, among the squatters in different countries, there are many stylistic variations.

8.  The Desert

In 1997, I spent some time in the desert and my fecal adventures weren't nearly as cushy as the picture would indicate.  I, and most anyone else who has done a desert trek, has experienced the old "dig and dump" where the dumper must first dig a hole in the ground which holds the feces.  This experience is totally humiliating and totally out in the open.

7.  Japan pre-Westernization

Similar to China, Japan has gone through it's own toilet revolution in the recent past.  Presently, Japan features the most sophisticated toilets in the world, with heated seats, computerized seat lifts and even soft music to muffle the sounds emitted from the user's anus.  No joke about that.  However, before this toilet modernization, the standard Japanese toilet was a derivative of the Turkish toilet.  This Japa-squatter is similar to the its Turkish brother in that it requires the user to hover over it. The major difference, however, is that the toilet is turned around.  In the Japanese squatter, the user faces the back wall of the cubicle while his back faces the door.  This position runs counter to Western sensibilities as does most everything in Japan.  The backwards formation requires a piss levee on the toilet, as seen in the photo, which protects the user from spraying piss all over the wall.  Though only #7 on the list, the backwards formation of the Japanese squat-toilet makes it the #1 worst toilet to walk in on someone using.
 

6. An Airplane

Ugggh.  We've all been face to face with this blue disaster.  As Jerry Seinfeld describes the airplane bathroom, "It's like your own little apartment on the plane."  Yeah, if your apartment constantly smells like your shit and the shit of anyone who's ever been in your apartment.  The lack of fresh air and standing toilet water in the airplane bathroom makes this quite possibly the stinkiest entry on the countdown.  Even worse is the lack of space and that there is always some idiot who tries to break in while you're on the can.  Not the most relaxing B.M.  However, some people find this experience quite pleasant and make sure to do it every time they fly.  No matter how you feel about the airplane dump, we can all agree there is nothing more satisfying that hitting the flush button and watching that blue chemical shoot out and the vacuum suck everything down.
 

5. China

Before China began to upgrade its toilets to Western-style bowls, the toilet situation was dreadful.  So I hear.  Squat toilets used to be the standard and currently, many public restrooms in China still rock these throwback toilets.  The type of toilet pictured right I like to call the "mail slot squatter".  It becomes a challenge for the user to precisely align himself with the slot.  An inch to the right or left could result in a bathroom attendant's worst nightmare.  Also, if you notice from the photo, these squatters are lined up like urinals, prohibiting the dumper of any  privacy.  Imagining walking into this bathroom and having to pass numerous men or women using these things.  Interestingly, many Chinese are more comfortable squatting than sitting.  So much so that occasionally in China, you can walk into a stall with a Western toilet and see shoeprints on the toilet seat.  Yes, this means that some see a Western toilet and decide to climb up on it and use it as though it were a squatter.  I wish I had a picture of that.
 

4. At Work

While office stalls are normally clean and private, a work dump is one of the more stressful experiences on the list.  Not because of a time crunch or an awkward physical position, but because you never want to get caught by a co-worker taking a dump.  So much so that you wait until you hear others leave the restroom before you exit the stall.  In an office bathroom, while you may not know exactly who's producing the gas sounds and plops, you know it's gotta be someone you work with.  Joe from accounting? Rita from H.R.?  Is it Jose from I.T. who said he ate a really big lunch?  Whoever it is in the stall making people who walk in go "UHHHH!", you sure as hell don't want it to be you.
 

3. At a Gas Station

"Hello sir, (about to explode), um, where's your bathroom?"  Always outside and around to the back.  And always with the little tiny key connected to some huge piece of wood.  Although gas stations post a list of all the times they have cleaned the bathroom that day, I always seem to get to them right before the next cleaning.  This makes the list solely because of sanitary reasons.  A gas station bathroom experience may be the quickest way to catch a TTD (toilet transmitted disease) such as crabs or anal warts, and most definitely will leave the user feeling like they need a shower.  The flusher is filthier than the toilet, the sink is filthier than the flusher, the door knob is filthier than the sink and you know what the filthiest thing is?  That piece of wood in your hand with the key attached to it.

2. Thailand

Making a number two in Thailand, as those who have been there know, is a miserable experience.  Not only are you faced with the bulls-eye toilet, but flush toilets are pretty much out of the question.  As is toilet paper.  Next to every Thai toilet is a small hose for the purpose of spraying down your ass after you're done.  This might not seem so bad, however think about how many asses that thing has been around.  What makes a Thai bathroom experience especially poor is the method by which you dispose of the waste.  The bowel mover must use the bucket, pictured above, to manually flush the doo-doo down.  This requires the user to have to carefully examine his or her droppings before it goes bye-bye.  Often this takes 3-5 full buckets of water.  Truly disgusting.